Five Weeks Old.

Miss Molly,

Well, five weeks ago right now I was getting a shower and breathing through contractions, wondering when you'd be making your arrival. Who would you look like? What color hair would you have? How exactly would your birth story play out? Now we know all those answers! One on side it feels like you were always a part of us, Daddy agrees. I know it sounds corny, but we were destined to be your parents. I already can't remember what life was like without you. But, on the other hand time has absolutely flown by. I was looking at newborn pictures this week while you were napping in my arms and I was tearing up looking at how small you were and just how big you are now! You've passed your one month mark, although I'm not sure when since you were born on the 31st and June didn't have a 31st day, so I guess that pushed it to July 1, but then will you turn 1 month and 2 months in the same month? That's confusing...

You're getting more fun now, and more awake during the day. You're a cat napper - if we're out, you usually only sleep for 20 minutes or so and then you're up. You must be a little busy body and nosy! If we're home though, there's days where I feel like you're sleeping all day long! We haven't figured out a schedule quite yet, but sleeping at night is going fabulously! Last night you actually slept from 10:30 until 4:45! I couldn't believe it! I'm going to ask the pediatrician at our appointment on Monday if that's okay for you to go that long without eating, but my instincts are telling me its alright. Usually you're in bed by 10 or so after a few feedings, and sleep until around 2:30 or 3, eat and back to bed until 5 or so, eat again and I bring you in bed with me after Daddy leaves and we sleep until at least 8, sometimes 9 or 10! Monday and Tuesday nights, after your 3am feeding, I put you in the crib before you totally fell asleep and you put yourself to sleep! Granted, it took about 20 minutes, but I never had to pick you up! You didn't cry at all, just moved around a little bit and eventually fell asleep! I was so proud!

I love when you're awake and alert during the day! I know you can hear us, and you usually can follow us with your eyes, too. You're kind of starting to smile and laugh, but I don't know if they're real smiles yet. I think so because before you'd smile when you were sleeping or in the process of falling asleep/waking up, but now it's more when you're awake. You're so happy in the morning, I love just cuddling with you and watching you move around and take in your surroundings. For the most part, you are a happy baby, only really crying when you're hungry and I don't feed you right away.

We had your first holiday yesterday - the 4th of July! It was pretty low key, we were over Grandma and Poppa's house all day long, after breakfast with Grammy and Pappy. You were pretty good for breakfast, that's the second time you went out to eat with us this week - the first was on Sunday with Uncle Billy. You were hungry both times, and from now on I'll remember to pump a bottle before we go so that we have it on hand for you to eat while we're waiting for our food. I gave you two bottles yesterday! With so many people at Grandma and Poppa's house and no chair in the corner to feed you, it was easier to just pump and give you a bottle, so that's what we did. I want to give you a few bottles a week anyways so that you can switch easily between bottles and nursing.

You and I took our first grocery shopping trip out alone! We ventured to Wegmans and Babies R Us. I took the Ergo and wore you at both stores and you were good! About halfway through Wegmans you started to get fussy and so I hurried up because I didn't know if you were going to cry, but once I gave you your pacifier, you were out and I poked around a little more. Between the Moby wrap and the Ergo carrier, I'm all set with baby wearing. I absolutely love being able to have you close to me and have my hands free. It's so handy! I think you like it, too, although I think you'd prefer to look around. I even get Daddy to wear you when we're out!

We've stopped block feeding, and your poops are normal again, so we're back on the normal eating on one side until it's empty, offering the other side, and switching sides for the next feeding business again. With some pumping/giving bottles thrown in there. I'm still pumping at night after the 3am feeding. I'm debating on getting an electric pump since I've been using a manual that we got free from the hospital. It's hard to justify spending that kind of money on something that I know I can't return if I don't like it. I don't mind the manual one, but I'm usually pumping for at least 25 minutes on each side, even after you eat, and that takes a looooong time at 3am when I could be sleeping. Daddy said he doesn't mind spending the money because it's something that I will most definitely need and makes my life easier. With all the amazon orders I've been getting, you'd think I wouldn't have a problem spending more money, but when it's something expensive that I can't return, I get nervous.

I'm anxious to see how much you weigh at your appointment on Monday. It makes me feel good that you're growing on breast milk alone, that my body can nourish you and give you everything you need. I remember that each time I look (with pride) at my stretch mark filled, fluffy mom pouch. I love it though, I really do. I'm so proud of what my body did! You're definitely growing though, you're officially out of newborn diapers, sadly, and your newborn pjs are fitting perfectly. I just keep remembering that your feet barely reached the footie part when we brought you home from the hospital. You're even filling out your swaddle now! It's hard to appreciate every day when I'm wondering what you'll be like in a month, or a year, or 5 years. What will you be when you grow up? But I'm trying really hard to live in the moment and soak up each moment.

I love you baby girl, and I love being your mommy!

Breastfeeding.

As I've mentioned before, I was more prepared for laboring & delivering my daughter than I was to breastfeed her. Well, not that I wasn't prepared, but I was more nervous. My aunt, mom, cousin and grandmother all had bad luck with breastfeeding. As I've listened to my mom, cousin and aunt's stories, I've tried to pinpoint what they did wrong. My cousin got too obsessed with how much she was making and how much her boys were getting. My mom was put on a nursing schedule of 6 times in 24 hours, four hours apart. I'm not sure what my aunt did, but I'm thinking that it was along the same lines as my mom, not feeding enough. I was determined to be different. I know that a low milk supply is not genetic and I so wanted to be able to nurse my daughter. I wanted to be the strong woman who would nurse in public, even if it was under a nursing cover, I didn't want to run away from parties to find a dark room where I was alone to nurse. That was the plan.

Then I had my baby.

Milk waaaasted

Don't get me wrong, things haven't totally changed, and I'm working on the nursing in public thing, well at least in front of my in-laws. The women I'm fine with, I have no problem whipping it out in front of them, but it's the males that I'm a little leary about.

Anyway, Molly did a pretty good job of latching on in the hospital, although I don't think her latch was deep enough, and that resulted in bloody, cracked nipples when she was just five days old. That led to me pumping the right side for 24 hours, and eventually ended up with us giving Molly a bottle, much to my dismay, because I was nervous she wasn't getting enough from just the left side. But that healed, we figured out a latch that didn't hurt me and I'd say we're pretty successful so far. I get nervous that she's not getting enough milk, but honestly, what mother doesn't wonder about that. She's growing, so I know she's fine.

But that initial week was hard. I'd even say the initial two weeks were hard. Each time I had to feed Molly, I would scrunch my face in pain and breathe through the pain. I thought I was just going to have to face the pain each time I'd feed her, and thought it was normal until my aunt came up and had the same issue - sore, cracked, bleeding nipples. She remembered the pain, the crying with each feeding, the pain, and it made me realize that I wasn't alone, and that this pain wasn't normal. But I will say, not once did the option of formula cross my mind. I have quite a few free samples that were given to me by the pediatrician and the hospital, but I never thought to use it. I'm glad I didn't because if I said something, I would think that Mr. Skinny would have agreed because he didn't like seeing me in that pain. Labor was different, that was expected pain, but breastfeeding pain was different. I knew it would be uncomfortable, but didn't know how much pain I would be in. But we survived though and I will say I love breastfeeding. I love the bonding time I get with my daughter. It's wonderful.

Onto the second issue - nursing wherever I am.

The first time we went to Mr. Skinny's grandma's house, Molly was passed out in the car seat for about 2 1/2 hours, so we let her sleep. Well, eventually she woke up and had her first blowout, and I had to change her outfit, so I was flustered from that. Then she was crying because she was hungry, so I went to Grandma's back room, the craft room to feed her on a folding chair. At this point, I was still using the Boppy, so not having a pillow and trying to feed her on a folding chair was really hard. So I got upset and started crying. It didn't help that we were feeding on the mega-boob side and Molly normally gets frustrated with that side anyway. I was a mess. Mr. Skinny was cutting grass without his cell phone, so I couldn't vent to him, I just had to deal with it myself. I kept thinking to myself, this is what I didn't want to do, run away from the party because I have to nurse. I bought a nursing cover for a reason, and I should be outside enjoying the family. I kept beating myself up, and I knew it wasn't the smartest idea.

So when Molly wanted to eat again, I got a receiving blanket out, and threw it over my shoulder to feed that time, which was better, but it was hot out! I could see the sweat forming around Molly's lips. I felt like an awful mother.

The next weekend I tried the nursing cover. Well, mistake one, we were on the mega-boob side again, and I couldn't really see what was going on under the cover. At one point, Molly unlatched and I had milk squirting everywhere. Seriously. I then swore I was never going to use the nursing cover again. I had been so adamant about breastfeeding - that's what boobs are for! Forget how our culture has sexualized them, their purpose is to feed our babies!

Yeah, until the next weekend where I was at a friend's party and Molly was hungry. I was smart this time though, we ate on the mega-boob before we left so that I could nurse on the left (easier) side at the party. I used the nursing cover. And it wasn't bad. I'm rather large chested, and I'm not really a fan of showing anyone the majority of my boob, even if my nipple is covered. If my chest was smaller, I might have an easier time nursing in front of people, but it's hard when you have so much boob!

I'm definitely proud of how far I've come. I'm very comfortable nursing around almost any women that I know, and certain males, too - Mr. Skinny (obviously), my dad, brother, and Mr. Skinny's brothers. I usually just give them a heads up when I hear them coming into the room I'm nursing in.

Now that Molly is 4 weeks old, I can pump and give her a bottle when we're visiting. But I feel like that's taking the easy way out instead of standing up for what I believe in. I know I have the right to nurse wherever I am, but it's hard to be okay with doing that. Since Molly's been eating every hour while she's awake, it's hard to visit family and "run away" to nurse her each time. Especially when you're going to visit family who want to see Molly. In a few weekends, our Saturday is packed - two graduation parties and Mr. Skinny's out of state family are all coming in to meet Molly and visit - I don't want to have to go hide each time Molly's hungry. So I've been toying with the idea of pumping and bottle feeding her, but I'm not sure how I feel about that yet.

Wow, sorry for the long winded post, but I wanted to put this all out there!

-------------------------------------------------------------

Would you/did you nurse your babies in front of people? How far would you go?

Three Weeks Old.

Molly -

Seriously, where is time going?! It's hard to look forward to each milestone while still treasuring each present moment and appreciating where we are right now. It's hard to figure out a balance! Each day you're growing more and becoming more alert, developing into your own little person and it's amazing to watch. I look back at your newborn pictures and already can't believe how much you've grown. I was going to take newborn pictures with Daddy, but I think the time has already passed. I just have to stay on top of taking your weekly pictures. Each day when Daddy comes home and he holds you and you hold your head up longer than the day before, he can't believe how quickly you're growing. He feels bad that he works such long hours and doesn't get to spend as much time with you as he wants to. He feels bad when he goes to play tennis with Uncle Billy, but he snuggles with you as much as possible.

It's amazing how I'm home all day, but I still don't have time to do anything, like call about bills, or a present I got for Daddy. He's really understanding about it though, and don't expect me to do too much during the day. Usually I feel bad that I didn't do anything. Daddy pokes fun at it, but he knows I have a lot to do just watching you. I have to wait until Grammy comes home from work and then hand you off to her and call. She loves holding you, so that's not a problem. You love listening to her, and I think you recognize her voice, it's so precious! I know how much she loves you and considering that you're named after her (middle name) it's only appropriate for you guys to be super close.

Grammy

This week we went to church for the first time and you were pretty good! We started out in your car seat, and hoped that you'd fall asleep, but you didn't. Then Daddy took you out of the car seat and tried to rock you to sleep, but that didn't work either. Finally, I took you and got you to sleep. When we were singing our last songs you totally fell asleep, and so I realized that you like to listen to me singing, so all week we've been listening to church songs and I've been singing to you. Works pretty good. Friday we went out with Grammy to get Pappy's prescriptions and get Old Pop Pop candy for Father's Day. Saturday and Sunday we went to Grandma and Poppa's house, and you were good there, too. Everyone loves holding you, except Uncle Quentin, he won't hold you yet. Give it time, he'll cave. You're so loved, baby girl, and I love seeing everyone fuss over you, it makes me such a proud mama!

Grandma

Since Sunday was Father's Day, I let Daddy pick what he wanted to do. He got to stand up in church and got a lot of "Happy Father's Day's" from everyone at church. I think he was very proud to be a father. Once we came home, he went to play tennis with Uncle Billy, then came home and napped with you for about 2 hours while I got some things done. Then we went over Grandma and Poppa's and he got to cut down trees with Poppa and I got to cuddle with you all afternoon. We went to visit Great Gma, too, and you pooped through your cute dress. Oh well, bound to happen sometime, right? At least you lasted most of the day in it!

Sleeping's been okay. We only slept in the recliner once this week, and that's because you were awake and I was dead tired so that was the best decision for us. Your sleep stretches are getting longer, we've had some 5 hour stretches! Granted, that's 5 hours between feedings, so sleeping maybe 3 1/2 or so, but I'll take it! You're not really a fan of napping during the day now though. I can tell you're really tired, but you won't sleep. I nurse you, make sure you have a clean diaper, but you're just awake. It usually takes until about 2pm or so for you to fall asleep, after feeding you every hour all morning. Oh well, you're still little, I'm not complaining. We're getting to the point where you want to be up longer after eating during the night. It usually takes a full hour from me starting to nurse you to you actually sleeping again, which means I only get 2 hours of sleep between feedings, but that's okay. I'm thankful I'm getting some sleep. We're also trying to put you in your crib for nap time. Well, I am, since I'm home all day, but that's going pretty good, too!

Eating is pretty good, too. We're still trying to work through this oversupply/fast milk issue, but we're getting there. Sometimes you get really frustrated and it breaks my heart to see you upset, I feel like I'm torturing you, but then other times you latch right on and you're a champ! I told Daddy I feel like every time we conquer the "big boob" you should get $1 in your savings account, haha! We're working through it. I have more patience with you though, I haven't cried at all this week regarding breastfeeding!

"Aunt" Krissy and cousins Isaiah and Colton came to visit on Monday. It was a totally sporadic visit. She asked if it was my first day home with you and I told her kind of since Grammy worked 2 Thursdays ago, and I was home for 4 hours, but she decided to come up! I was pretty excited since we had a rough night and I love seeing them. The boys were really good with you, although I don't think Colton was too happy that his mommy was holding you. He was touching your feet though, it was really sweet! Krissy got some pictures of that. It was so strange to be sitting here with you sleeping in my arms, and Krissy holding a sleeping Colton - for the 6 years that's between Krissy and I, it's nice that we're finally in the same stage of life, she's always been one life stage ahead of me. It was my first real realization that we're really adults and how far we've come. I think Grammy got a taste of what it'll be like in a year when you're walking and getting into everything - Colton was into everything. Oh well, we'll cross that bridge when we get there, I'll enjoy each day with you and all the baby snuggles I get.

You already rolled over, from your tummy to your back, TWICE! But I don't think you meant to do it on purpose, you were confused when you did it. You were frustrated and wanted to be picked up and were flailing all around and just flipped yourself over. I haven't been able to get you to do it since, but I'm glad I got to see it!

Daddy is still awesome, and I know he always will be. He loves you so much and wants to spoil you with hugs and kisses. Between me, Daddy, and Grammy I think you get about 8 millions kisses each day. Daddy loves snuggling with you when he comes home from work, he gets bummed when I have to feed you because he just wants to hold you all night. Our "schedule" of Daddy staying up with you until about 11pm, or being "on call" didn't really work out too well this week, you were hungry, so he got to sleep and I was on duty. That's okay though, I know that I need to appreciate each second with you, even if it means I don't get very much sleep.

----------------------------

Did you/would you take newborn pictures?

I have an update on me, along with some pictures, scheduled for next week!

Two Weeks Old.

Hope my birth story didn't bore anyone - I wanted to include it since it's Miss M's journey, but I know it was long and quite detailed. I'm hoping to get to some other posts, and possibly back to some healthy living posts soon, but I am enjoying all the time I can with Molly.

Miss M,

Since our first week, you've learned to like your crib more now, and had a few nights of sleeping all night in the crib! Well, I say all night, but I mean sleeping for about 2.5 hours, up to nurse, then right back down in the crib until the next feeding about 3 hours later. On Saturday night, you were a little fussy, and Momma got a little upset with you because you wouldn't eat very well - you wouldn't latch on. I think it was a mix of sleeping all. day. long. and the walk Daddy and I took you on once he came home from work. We were going to try to go to church on Sunday morning, but I slept with you in the recliner for about 4 hours so that didn't work out. I was a little worried because you were only eating for about 5 minutes during the night, and going so long in between feedings, I didn't want you to starve, or have my supply go down, but I trusted my instincts to just let you go, if you were hungry, you'd fuss and I'd feed you.


You're such a great sleeper! We don't have to be quiet when you're napping, even if we're holding you, which tends to happen during the day. Oh well, Grammy loves to spoil you! We've been on a good schedule at night, getting up to eat every 2-4 hours or so, and not getting up in the morning until about 8am. I honestly don't mind getting up multiple times to feed you at night when I still get to sleep in until that late!

I think we're dealing with a little over supply issue, either that or my milk comes out really fast. You haven't choked, but I know it's coming out fast because it overflows while you're nursing. I always have to make sure to have a burp cloth handy so that I can wipe up whatever milk is overflowing everywhere. Sometimes I feel like a cow with milk shooting everywhere, but I know it's what's best for you and we'll work through it. Daddy is such a great help when I get frustrated. He always takes the first "shift" until about 11pm or so, unless you get hungry earlier. He loves spending time with you and hates if he has to work late since he gets to spend so little time with you anyway. He loves you so, so much and I love to see that connection you have with him. You're already Daddy's little girl.

 You're more awake for periods now, and we've started tummy time with you. You really don't mind it at all! We put you on our chests a lot and you're already so strong and pick your head up! Daddy is amazed at you each time you do it! I love watching all your faces and your smiles, even if they aren't real smiles yet. They're adorable! I could just stare at you all day!

We went for our first stroller walk this week! You slept the whole time! It felt good to get out of the house and go somewhere, I hope to keep that up with Grammy over the summer when it isn't too hot out. Daddy pushed you for a little bit, but then I wanted to push you since I need the exercise more! You were a little fussy that night, and Daddy thought it was because you were outside and we threw off your schedule, but I don't think so. I think you were just fussy, but when I say fussy, I mean that you were basically just making noises, you still haven't really cried.

Oh, we also went to Uncle Billy's graduation Wednesday night. You were awesome - sleeping through the entire thing, not even waking up to eat for 4 hours. You cried the whole way home since you were so hungry but we flew home and you ate for 25 minutes! You generally don't eat that long anymore. I felt bad, you seemed like you thought we were never going to feed you again. I was so worried during graduation that you'd cry and I'd have to feed you, which wouldn't have been bad, but I had to take pictures of Uncle Billy since it was only Grammy and I and she had the camcorder. Daddy had to work late, but he still came after work, he missed the ceremony but came to carry you around afterwards for pictures.

We also took our first couple outings this week! Sunday we went to Great Gma Crane's house and you slept in your carseat for most of the day, and Wednesday we went up to Kohl's and Babies R Us, and you slept the whole time there, too. You love sleeping in the car!

We gave you a pacifier again this week, and you like the one from the hospital. I don't think it's messed with our nursing routine, and you don't use it a lot, just when you're done eating and need something to suck on. I think once you find your finger/thumb you'll be very content, but I know that might not be for a while, and I'm okay giving you a pacified occasionally. I just don't want it to be a crutch that we try first if you're fussy, I want it to be a last resort, and so far, that's worked.


How's Mom?


I actually feel 100% healed! I want to take some pictures of what my post-baby body looks like, but I'm so proud of what my body did that all the flabby skin and stretch marks don't bother me one bit. I had a little bit of a hard time being okay with how I looked at graduation, but I thought I looked pretty good for 2 weeks post partum, if I do say so myself. I felt great on that walk we took, although out of breath, but I'm so out of shape it's not even funny. Sometimes I feel like a cow when I'm feeding, but that's normal. I don't think I have any "baby blues" at least not yet. I get frustrated sometimes, and the tears fall, but that's normal, too. Usually it's when I'm nursing and I feel bad because my milk is coming out too fast and Molly's hungry, but don't want to eat because there's so much. At least that's what I feel like is going on.

I know I can't push myself too hard, and I'll stick to walking for now, and maybe some yoga thrown back in if I can when Miss M is sleeping. I've been good with my sleep, too. I haven't had to nap in about a week or so. I might have to next week since I'm going to be here myself with Miss M, but we'll play that by ear. I know my mom works right down the road if I need her to come home quickly, she can.

-----------

Any moms reading who have any advice for over supply/fast milk flow?

Birth Story - Part 2

The entire car ride, Daddy kept rubbing my leg, and reminding me to breath, while recording contractions. About halfway to the hospital Daddy stopped recording the contractions, they were one right on top of another and super intense. I didn’t know what the point of recording them anymore were - we were already en route to the hospital. Once we got to the hospital, Daddy asked me if I wanted to walk, but I could barely move the contractions were barely stopping, and they hurt! I had super intense pain in my hips all day, my hips flexors could not be relaxed! That’s where most of the pain was, in my hips. Daddy pulled up to the hospital entrance and unpacked the car - we had so much stuff! Poor Daddy, I think our hospital bag weighed about 50 lbs from all the stuff I packed. We had pillows and bags and a whole slew of things. Daddy unpacked the car, and helped me out, walked me in and I just walked through contraction after contraction while Daddy parked the car. I really though my water broke while I was pacing back and forth. So maybe people walked by, and I tried to smile at them, but no one talked to me or asked if I was okay - that kind of surprised me, I thought that I’d be whisked away to the L&D floor in a wheelchair like they do in the movies. But nope, I walked down to the elevators, and to the L&D once we got the the third floor. We buzzed in and the nurses were not very nice to us. They asked who we were and why we were there - so much for them being informed we were on our way. 

They had to find a room for us, meanwhile Daddy still had all our stuff and still had to help me through contractions, all while carrying as much as he possibly could. I truly could not have gotten through the day without him. Finally they got us a room, and I slowly walked to it, all while breathing through the constant contractions. The nurse was walking way a head of us, but I wasn’t going to try to keep up with her - I was going at my own pace. Once they got me to the room, the nurse gave me a gown and told me to take everything off, and keep the opening of the gown in the back. Daddy helped me change, I was moving so slow. I realized my water didn’t break like I thought, but it was just more mucus and blood. I finally crawled into bed, and the nurse was asking questions, taking my blood pressure, putting the contraction monitor on me - I honestly don’t know how I got through that initial questioning. You’d think they would ask you all that before you get to the hospital. Oh well, with Daddy’s help, I got through it. Once the nurses left, I knew I was going to throw up, thank goodness we took a puke bucket from Grammy’s house, or I would have thrown up everywhere in that room, not being able to make it to the bathroom and not having anything to throw up in. That was the only time Daddy left my side - he hates vomit, and it makes him vomit, which I knew. I threw up a good chunk, thinking in the back of my mind that a lot of women through up during transition, but I couldn’t possibly be that far. 

Once the nurse came back and threw the bucket away, she told me that Dr. Lincoln and Kathy were both there, and we said that if Kathy’s available, we’d love to have her - she’s the midwife Daddy and I met and we both really liked her. They told us they’d get her and once she came in to check me, I heard her whisper “complete, bulging bag” or something along those lines. The nurse was surprised, but I still didn’t get what they were saying. Then Kathy asked if she could break my water - I was completely dilated! Holy cow! I knew contractions were intense and right on top of each other, but in total honesty, the pain wasn’t that bad. Sure it was intense, but breathing helped out so much! I was so surprised that I wouldn’t have to labor in the hospital for hours and hours, even though we packed our bags prepared to do just that - we had a birthing ball, bathing suit, all kinds of snacks and drinks, but we didn’t need any of it! I told Kathy that she could break my water and she did just that. It was a warm gush that came out - and Kathy said it looked like it had a little meconium in it. Kathy said that the pediatrician would be on hand in case the baby didn’t cry right away, but if she did, they would put her right on my chest.

Somewhere in this process, Daddy texted family and told them that that I was complete, and they could make their way to the hospital soon - you were not going to take your time! We also showed our nurse our birth plan, and they were comfortable with it. Our nurse wanted to start an IV, but luckily Kathy had just mentioned that I didn’t need one, and we had her on our side and I didn’t get an IV at all! They only thing that strapped me to the bed was the contraction monitor, which I know they needed at least a 20 minute sample to make sure that you were doing okay and handling the contractions okay. I’m glad I didn’t have to labor long at the hospital, I feel like our nurse wouldn’t have been very helpful with anything. 

Once my water was broken, Kathy told us that she had to go speak at a conference, and we were just waiting for me to feel like I needed to push. She brought Dr. Lincoln in and told us that Dr. Lincoln was pretty much a midwife with a doctor’s title - she’d let me deliver on my head if I wanted to. Once she said that, it made me calm, knowing that I wasn’t going to have a doctor who was going to forget our birth plan and do what they wanted. Kathy said that she would be back around 7pm after she spoke, and if we waited that long then she could deliver you. It was about 5:45 at that time. The nurse joked and made sure I didn’t want any pain medication - there wouldn’t be time for it! I told her nope, that the plan was to go natural anyway! 

I was still breathing through the contractions, and honestly, I couldn’t tell you if they were more spaced out, I was so inside myself with my eyes closed and Daddy right next to me. Dr. Lincoln said to just call her when I felt like I was ready to push, and probably at about 6pm or so, in the middle of a contraction, I totally felt it. I told the nurse I had to push, and the grunted through the contraction, pushing a little bit. The nurse rushed off to get the doctor and everything set up for your delivery! Daddy said he never saw anyone move so quickly, they were all rushing around. Dr. Lincoln came in and was so patient with me and never told me when to push. In all honesty, I know that some people really like pushing, because they know they’re so close to meeting their baby, but pushing was HARD for me! And I didn’t even push that long! 

Anyway, Dr. Lincoln just sat there and encouraged me to hold my pushes, Daddy was right at my side. I was holding onto the bed rails for dear life, my hands actually went numb from holding onto them so tightly. I’m so glad I had no one counting to 10 for me, or demanding I push through a contraction. I actually skipped pushing for a contraction because I just needed a break. Dr. Lincoln was totally okay with that. I’m pretty sure she said something along the lines of “if you need a break, take one”. You were handling everything okay, heart rate was good, so I skipped just one contraction and breathed through it. I don’t even know how many contractions I pushed through, but it was very hard. It’s so hard to get to the point where you’re pushing correctly, and thank goodness for Dr. Lincoln to help me get to the point. Eventually they could see your head with dark hair. Daddy got to see it, too. I don’t know when, but at some point, I asked if I could touch your head and I got to! Daddy thinks that was my motivation to really push you out. I knew I just had to do it, and it would all be over. I also screamed, and it was so instinctual. Daddy said I took everyone by surprise, but that’s what my body told me to do, so I did it. It was primal and my soul was in it, that’s what I needed. 

More pushing, and more pushing until that famous, or infamous, ring of fire started! I yelled that it burned, and Dr. Lincoln said that’s when you know it’s almost over. At one point, I yelled “Holy crap!” and Dr. Lincoln said that wasn’t the only 4 letter word I was allowed to use! It made me laugh, and I’m glad for that. I was slower at pushing then, and took a few breaks. While I was taking a break, Dr. Lincoln said that I was doing so good, that’s how you prevent tearing, which didn’t even cross my mind! Eventually I felt like pushing again, and then the relief from your head coming out, and one last push for your shoulders to come out and there you were! The feeling of your body coming out of mine was incredible - something I’ll never forget. And it was over! Here you were - you started crying like a champ and they put you right on my chest and started wiping you down! At 6:37pm, after only about 40 minutes of pushing, and after being at the hospital for only about 1 1/2 hours, you were born - a May baby after all!

I kept saying “my baby, my baby, she’s really here” I looked at your Daddy and we both had tears in our eyes - we couldn’t believe you were here and with RED hair! I kept dreaming of a red haired baby, but I didn’t know if you’d actually have red hair. We of course checked to see if you were a girl, and then the nurse asked about a name. We didn’t even think about a name. I mean we had our list, but that was the last thing on my mind at the time. I asked Daddy what he thought - Marlee or Molly, and he kept saying it was up to me. It took me a good 10 minutes or so to make up my mind. With the red hair, you’re our Molly, Molly Kathryn, after Grammy. My middle name was after my Grammy, so I thought I’d carry on the tradition. Grammy is a wonderful woman, and she already loves you so much! And don’t tell Daddy, but since Mrs. Weasley from Harry Potter’s first name is Molly and she has red hair, I thought it was even more appropriate to name you Molly. 

Once the cord stopped pulsing, Daddy got to cut it, he said it was like cutting rubber with dull scissors, and then they took you to weigh you and do your length. You were on my chest for a good 15-20 minutes though, and I’m so happy about that. I’m glad you cried right away and we didn’t have to hand you over to the pediatrician super quickly. They actually shooed him away and told him they didn’t need him, and he was a little annoyed with that. You were a healthy 7.12 ounce, 19 inch baby. Sometime in there I delivered the placenta, I think you were still on my chest at that point, but I’m not really sure. That was nothing compared to you coming out though. Daddy was fascinated with that, and Dr. Lincoln showed us what it looked like. 

I had a second degree tear that had to get stitched up, but Dr. Lincoln was so friendly, she kept up the conversation the whole time and although it hurt a little bit, it was not problem. Daddy was with you making sure you were okay. Eventually they gave you back to me and we started nursing you about 30 minutes after you were born. You latched on like a champ! I’m not sure how long we fed you, but I’m so happy we got to so quickly. Daddy took some pictures and texted the whole family who was all in the waiting room. He texted them before we even had a name for you, and everyone was waiting for the decision about a name. Eventually, they helped me up and I was going to shower, but I was a little dizzy, and decided to wait for a shower. I knew the whole family would be anxious to meet you, Miss Molly, so while I was recuperating, Daddy was learning how to give you a bath and watched you get your shots - Hep B and Vitamin K. We declined the eye drops, but had no problem with that from any of the medical staff. At about 9:00pm or so, they got us all packed, put you in my arms and wheeled me up to the mom baby unit. 

Then family came in - Grandma and Poppa, Grammy and Pappy, Aunt Colleen, and Great Grandma Crane were all waiting to see you. Grammy teared up, but I think she’s the only one who did. I thought Poppa would for sure, but I didn’t see him tear up anyway. You got passed around the room and Great Grandma kept saying how precious you are, and how much your name fits you. Even though Olivia was our top name for so long, I’m so glad we picked Molly, I think it fits you so much better than Olivia would have. Although Daddy and Mommy have both slipped and called you Olivia already, that’s what happens when you get into a habit of calling you a name even though we both knew it wasn’t picked out officially. Daddy definitely slips more than me though, I think I’ve only slipped twice. Daddy said he’s just going to have that be your special nickname from him, and that’s fine with me. 

Great Grandma & Molly

I am so blessed baby girl, and I already can’t imagine my life without you! 

M's Birth Story - Part 1

Here's Molly's Birth Story - It's a bit lengthy, so I divided it into 2 parts so your eyes wouldn't bleed from ready so much. I was going to cut out details, but it's almost impossible to do that! It's a little TMI perhaps - so read at your own risk! 

First things first. I lost a little bit of my mucous plug on Sunday (5/27) night before I went to bed, and had some painless contractions throughout the week, but nothing painful at all. Wednesday morning I woke up with a little bit of blood, so Daddy knew we were getting close and he kept his phone on him the whole day, texting me a few times to make sure I was okay. 

Last Wednesday night while getting ready for bed, I was talking to Daddy and wondering when you were going to be born. I said that I’d rather you wait until June 1 to be born because no one likes the end of the month, but then I remembered that Daddy’s birthday is October 31. Oops. He just laughed it off. I stayed up until about 11pm, Daddy was passed out, but I was watching TV - Chopped, I think, on the Food Network. I was envisioning how I’d like labor to go, and thinking that I’d actually like to wake up in the middle of the night in labor because that way Daddy definitely wouldn’t be able to go to work and I wouldn’t have to try to get a hold of him and worry about how long it would take him to get home and wondering when I should tell him I was in labor, so I planned it all out in my head - start labor during the night, have Daddy stay home, stay at home for as long as possible, but that’s as far as it got. About 11pm, I decided to go to bed finally, wondering when you were going to come. Oh how close we were!

I woke up thinking that I was getting my period - they felt like period cramps. I went to the bathroom and remembered that I was pregnant - they couldn’t be period cramps! I came back in bed and looked at the time - 12:23am. I just laid there, trying to go back to sleep, wondering if I was actually in labor, or if these were just Braxton Hicks contractions. I did walk around a lot on Wednesday, trying to start labor. I didn’t go outside, but I was doing laps around the house, doing squats, pelvic rocks, whatever I could to start labor. I don’t know if it actually worked, but anyways I was just laying there in bed on Thursday morning feeling the contractions coming and going. I didn’t want to start timing them yet, just because I didn’t want to jinx myself and have them fizzle out. After about a half hour or so, I turned my phone on and opened my contraction app and started timing them - first contraction recorded was at 12:50am. About 1:30, Daddy got up to go to the bathroom and I told him he might not be going into work that day, I thought I was in labor. He got so excited and asked me what contractions felt like. I told him and we both thought it would be best if we tried to get some sleep. At that point, my contractions were less than 10 minutes apart, but because they were regular - meaning not consistently every 8 minutes or something, I didn’t know if it was true labor. I couldn’t sleep all night though, and I don’t think Daddy got much sleep either. Every time I would be relaxed enough to fall asleep, I’d get another contraction and tense up again. I tried to relax myself as much as I could, knowing that tensing up wouldn’t help me, but it was so hard! Eventually I got up and packed my hospital bag, and I think we turned the TV on at some point, too.

At about 5:30am, we decided to get up, and I hopped in the shower. Okay, well not hopped, but took a shower anyway. Contractions were still less than 10 minutes apart, some 3 minutes apart and other 9 minutes apart. They weren’t too intense, I knew that they lasted about 1 minute and after that minute I could breath and relax again. Daddy and I came out to see Grammy, who was frantic wondering if I was in labor. She knew Daddy’s truck was still home, and knew what that could mean, and honestly, that would be the only reason he’d be home. She was on the verge of tears when I told her I was in labor since 12:30am, and she was wondering when we were going to call the hospital and what we were going to do. I told her that we were going to wait and see how everything went and we’d play it by ear. She quickly showered and Daddy and I ate - I had some chocolate mini wheats for breakfast and had a huge glass of water - I wanted to make sure that I was hydrated enough - I did NOT want to get an IV and knew that if I was dehydrated then that would be an excuse for them to stick an IV in me. I had 2 big glasses of water and kept timing my contractions. After I ate, my contractions started to get farther apart. Great, I thought, it wasn’t real labor, I knew I should have eaten something when I first woke up, but I just didn’t want to get up, I was hoping that I would be able to fall back to sleep. So I texted Grandma Crane and Krissy, and told them both that my contractions were fizzling out. 

After Grammy left for work, Daddy and I tried to sleep some more, and we watched a few episodes of CSI Miami. I think Daddy actually got some sleep, but I was never able to sleep, I just kept timing my contractions. They were still pretty far apart, but they never went away. Once Uncle Billy came home from school at about 10 or so, Daddy and he went to play tennis. They made sure I was okay, and Daddy texted me while they were playing to make sure I was okay. I was pretty shaky, so I had a few pieces of pizza and more water to hold me over. After I ate, I was okay, I’m thinking my blood sugar was low or something. Once they got back from playing tennis, they wanted to play horse, so I sat on the rocking chair outside and watched them play. Grammy came home about 2pm or so, and she was still so nervous and wondering why I was still home. My contractions were a little closer, and a little more intense since I couldn’t talk through them anymore, but they were still manageable. They were averaging about 7 minutes apart, but I just breathed through them. Some were still about 15 minutes apart though, so the average on my app was kind of high. They were always about a minute long though. Grammy just sat with me once she got home and couldn’t believe how calm I was. 

After Daddy and Uncle Billy were finally done, I thought I should call the hospital and just let them know I was in labor for about 15 hours, even though the contractions weren’t close enough to go to the hospital, I wanted some confirmation that I was in labor and would eventually have a baby. So Daddy came in and made ramen noodles - actually I made him ramen while he was getting ready, and still timing my contractions. About 2:30 or so, I finally made the call, and the nurse asked me a bunch of questions - I wasn’t leaking any fluid and she asked about my bloody show and a bunch of other things. She put me on hold while she talked to the doctor on call, Dr. Lincoln, but told me to wait until my contractions were about 5 minutes apart and then to call again once that happened. I was a little frustrated, contractions were getting stronger at that point, and I didn’t know how much longer I’d be in labor. I cried a little bit, and your Daddy was so helpful. 

Almost as soon and I got off the phone, my contractions got closer together. And way more intense. I could only lean over your Daddy and have him hold me through the contractions. Eventually my average frequency was 5 minutes and I called the hospital again at about 4:30 or so and told them they were closer. They told me they would let the labor and delivery floor know that I was on my way. Daddy finished packing, while holding me during contractions. Grammy was in tears when we left, and of course, both neighbors Michelle and Mr. Becker were outside as I was walking to the car, so they knew I was going to the hospital. We asked Grammy for a puke bucket in case I got sick. We also put garbage bags down in case my water broke on the way. Honestly, I barely remember leaving, my eyes were closed most of the time, and Daddy kept recording my contractions.

..... Stay tuned for part 2 tomorrow! 

One Week Old.

Miss M -

Man oh, man, where has this last week gone? I can't even remember being pregnant anymore! I can't imagine life without you, it's hard to believe it's only been 1 week. How are we doing? Daddy and I love having you home with us. I have loved seeing Daddy turn into a confident, caring, loving Daddy. Not that I had a doubt in my mind that he wouldn't be that kind of Daddy, but it makes me tear up to see how much he loves you, all his nicknames for you - calling you Princess and telling you how much he loves you. 

You've already changed in a week, I think. You're a wonderful baby, barely crying at all, mostly just sleeping and eating, but that's expected for the first week. 

 Eating

I was worried about breastfeeding, super worried about it actually. I was nervous that I wouldn't be able to nurse because other women in our family haven't been able to nurse - their supply dried up, they think. Even though it's not genetic, I couldn't help but be worried that something would happen and I couldn't nurse either. I hope I'm not jinxing myself, but I'm pretty sure we're doing great! I nursed about 30 minutes after you were born, and we haven't had too many problems! I've been averaging about 2-3 hours apart, sometimes sooner. It's so hard not knowing how much food you're getting, but when we went to the Pediatrician on Tuesday, you already passed your birth weight, so we know you're getting food! The Ped. said that I should have no problem with supply, and I could push your feedings back to about 4 hours apart, but I'm not comfortable with that. I'll stick with 2-3 or whenever you're hungry. Sometimes feeding sessions are 15 minutes, and sometimes they're close to an hour, guess it depends on if it's a snack or if it's a full 5 course meal! 

We had one issue though - your latch wasn't very good, and I cracked and bled from that. I actually got out the manual pump I got from the hospital to see if I could pump because nursing hurt so badly! The first pump was blood and it freaked Daddy and I out! This was Monday. I stopped right away and called the lactation consultant, well after googling it first. Turns out it's okay if you drink the blood, it just might show up in your diaper. The LC called me back later that day and put in a script for a stronger cream that Daddy went to pick up. She told me to pump for 24 hours and see how it felt the next morning. It felt so much better and we got right back to nursing, but not after a few tears shed. We actually even gave you a bottle too, since I was nervous you weren't getting enough milk from just one side. So far, it hasn't caused any confusion, so I'm hoping we did the right thing. We tried to give you a pacifier too, to see if it would help you sleep, but you didn't really like that, and it made nursing a little more difficult, so I don't know if that caused any confusion for you or not. But we put it away for a while anyways. 

Sleeping

You sleep pretty good, but you like to sleep with us instead of in your crib. While we were in the hospital, you slept in your bassinet, but we were up so frequently to feed and you slept so often, that I don't think any baby has a problem sleeping in the hospital. Once we came home, you switched between sleeping on either me or Daddy's chest, or next to us in bed. You don't like the crib, but I'm sure you'll come around to it. Daddy and I manage on our sleep. We've fallen into a pattern, Mommy takes a nap during the day while someone is watching you, then once Daddy comes home and he eats and showers, he does the first "shift" usually until about 10:30 or so, and I wake up to feed you and let him go to sleep. And I get the rest of the night. It's so nice that Daddy's willing to help out so much, I don't know what I'd do without him! 

I've also loved sleeping on my belly again! Not that I was ever really a belly sleeper, but just having the option again is so nice! When you sleep on my chest, I usually go to the recliner and sleep, it's easier than sleeping in bed. 

Odds and Ends

We've had people in and out all week - your Grandma took off work Tuesday and Wednesday so that she could come over and help out. Since we live with Grammy and Pappy, there's not too much to get done, but she watched you while I napped, and did laundry for us. That was certainly appreciated! I'll be happy when I don't have to "entertain" and be on call for people to come over and meet you. I know I need to appreciate all the help I have now since I won't have it forever, but I'm sort of looking forward to just the two of us at home ourselves during the day. 

On Saturday morning before we left the hospital, they checked your bilirubin which was a little high, so they did a blood test and it was a little high - 8.4 - so they just wanted us to keep an eye on your skin and make sure it didn't get any worse. When the nurse came on Sunday to check you out, she assured me that you were doing very well and couldn't believe you were almost back up to your birth weight. It was really nice to have a nurse come and check up on you and answer any questions we had! 

Your stump already fell off! It fell off on Tuesday morning before we went to the doctor's. You still have the inner cord/scab, but I'm glad the main one fell off, I was so nervous about it! 

How's Mommy?

I want to include these, too, so I can remember what it was like postpartum. I would never change anything about labor or delivery, but no one talks about postpartum, and I kind of want to remember it. Let me tell you, it's something no one discusses, but it's tough! Not being able to get up out of bed is hard! Bathrooms were my worst enemy for a few days, and showering was a horrendous job. Each day it gets easier and easier, but it's hard! I've been taking some motrin when I needed it, as well as a stool softener (oh yeah, I went there!). I actually stepped on the scale Thursday morning and I'm down 20 lbs. from my pregnant weight - and I haven't watched what I was eating or been active at all! That's just from having you! I still have a loooong way to go before I'm back at my pre-pregnancy weight, but I'm so thankful for what my body has done, I don't mind the squishy belly with tons of stretch marks - because it gave me you! 

Emotionally, I have some issues - I get frustrated pretty easily, and I can tell my hormones are all over the place! Daddy knows when I'm super frustrated and helps out when he can. With the problem with nursing, I was very upset about that, and cried a good bit over it. I have moments where I'm so incredibly happy, and moments when I'm not as happy. I know it's normal, and I have family surrounding me to help out when I need it and I am so thankful for that! 

I thank God for you every day, and can't believe just how blessed I am to have you in my life. Love you to the moon and back little one!

She's Here!

Meet Miss Molly! She was born last Thursday evening at 6:37pm, weighing in at 7.12 and measuring 19 inches long. I have her birth story typed up, but it's 5 pages long, so I'll take out some details for the blog. She's also already (!) a week old, so I'll be typing up a 1 week post, which will still be in letter form. It'll hopefully go up next week, too. So stay tuned - in the meantime, enjoy Miss M's pictures!

About 30 minutes after she was born.

Daddy holding Miss M.

Family of 3.

Not getting sleep, but enjoying our bundle of joy!

Ready to go home!