still testing...

At my WI yesterday I was 168.6 lbs. Honestly, I think that's good. I lost 1 lb. from last week, and I wasn't totally back on track. I didn't track, but kept with eating my WW recipes, fruits/vegs, meeting my GHGs and being smart about what I ate. On the flip side though, I had a hot dog and ice cream at my picnic on Monday, had a Chipotle burrito on Thursday and ate the WHOLE thing! I think I might be able to cancel my WW subscription. That'll help because Hubby only got a $1 raise. I know every little bit helps, but we were hoping for more than $1.

With that said, I'm planning on being a lot smarter with my food and how much we buy. With all my smoothies and regular foods, I just need to be really cautious about my dinners. Slowly I'll learn how to be really good about how to make foods go longer. I buy meat on sale and stick it in the freezer, but I feel like we need to be creative with our typical chicken, so I need to learn how to do that.

Anyways, school is going well. I might drop one of my classes, it's about the Old Testament, but I think it's going to take the turn to where we're criticizing the Old Testament, which I'm not a fan of. I'll stick with it for now, but we'll see if it takes a nasty turn, I'm out of there.

Time to enjoy the weekend! Hope everyone enjoys theirs, too!

back to school

It's that time again, the time when parents rejoice and kids hate it. I may be in college, but I still don't look forward to going to school. No, scratch that. I do like going to school, I just don't like working AND going to school. I'm in my last year, I just had my last first day of school, and the real world is chasing me around, taunting me and laughing at me because the real world is going to eat me alive come May.

My classes should be easy, except for one. Six out of my seven classes I voluntarily (mostly) took, and at least five of the seven are intro. classes, which I know I shouldn't take, but I didn't have a choice considering that I HAVE to work. I hate it. I wish I didn't have to work. I know it's going to look awesome on my resume, but I would love, for just one semester take classes based on what the material is, and be able to schedule work AROUND those classes. But ever since my freshman year, I've had to work the most hours I could, and then see which classes fit into that schedule. It sucks, flat out sucks.

Last week's test was kind of a flop, but I didn't gain anywhere near the amount of weight I thought I would. So this week, I'm doing another test; not couting points, just eating healthy. I'm still trying to find out the balance with school, since I think I only drank about 36 ounces of water yesterday, and I need to keep drinking about 100 ounces, I think. I can eat well while I'm at school, but I need to come up with more snacks for in between classes, things that don't need to be in the fridge. That's what I'm struggling with now.

I'll keep you posted on how school and my WW test are doing when I WI on Friday...

it's starting to sink in

This is starting to be a lifestyle change. Honestly, it really is, and I'm super proud of myself. Comparing myself to last summer, I can see the difference. Last summer I lost 25 lbs, but I ate garbage. I mean I kind of watched what I ate, but I worked in a sweat box factory, no kidding I lost 25 lbs. in 3 months. I gained it all back, of course, but it was nice while it lasted. This summer, I'm seeing the life change. I've been kind of off WW all week. I had good intentions, but I'm preparing myself to see that scale go up on Friday. I didn't work out like I wanted to, I didn't eat good foods at all, but I can't wait to get back on the bandwagon.

I've taken a step back this week and I think I've figured some things out. I made a list of snack foods that I "approve" of for once school starts. I've also figured out what "real food" is, as compared to processed foods. I'm really going to try to eat food, not food products. I'll sacrifice some points for things like almonds, greek yogurt, bananas, things that are a little higher in points, but keep you fuller longer and are healthy for you. It's definitely sinking in that I need to eat healthy food and exercise to get healthy, lose weight and keep this weight off.

Even though I've been "off WW" this week, I'm totally not enjoying it. Eating pizza 3x in a week, eating no fruits/vegs and barely drinking any water just isn't appealing to me anymore. I'll have my moments when I'll fall off the wagon, I'm sure, and I know that my journey is FAR from over, but it's all sinking in.

That's all. I'll be heading home tomorrow, and I'm going to try to eat healthier, but I'll be eating airport food all day, so we'll see how that goes. I'm preparing myself for the scale, and I'm not going to let it bring me down.

I'm seriously in the middle of nowhere, and I haven't used my phone all week (no service) and there is a layer of dust on my phone. It's beautiful out here though, I could live out here.

update number 2

This week of testing myself is butchered. Honestly, I blame the lack of a fridge, which I know is just an excuse. Well not completely. I don't know what to eat for dinner if not bad food. I have tuna and brown rice, but who wants tuna and brown rice for dinner 7 days in a row? Not me, that's for sure. So while I'm on travel, I need WW to keep me accountable, but seeing as I won't be traveling for a long, long time, I need to get back on track.

I can't wait to get back on track because I feel like garbage. I'm not drinking anywhere near my normal amount of water, I'm eating barely 2-3 servings of fruits/vegs, I'm eating probaly 5x the amount of sodium I should be consuming. I have a pretty good breakfast, toast with pb, hard boiled egg and cereal. A big breakfast, but it keeps me full. Not that it matters, I eat an early lunch, and crap for dinner.

I just planned my food for next week. School starts next week, which I'm super nervous about btw, and I need to be very, very good at planning in order to stay on WW while I'm at school.

Here's the plan:
Mon/Wed/Fri: run in the morning, follow by a green monster and PB toast for breakfast. I'll do my normal sandwich, leftovers, whatever lunch, and normal dinner that I plan out, just like I've been doing all summer. The problem is going to be Tues/Thurs while I'm at school and am tempted by my friends to just spend the money and eat in the dining hall.

I'm planning on making myself eggs for breakfast on Tues/Thurs right after working out, probably doing my Shred or a 2 mile walk away the pounds. For lunch I'll take something light, a sandwich or salad probably. Tuesdays are going to be my crock pot days. I got a HUGE list of WW crockpot meals, hopefully without high sodium canned soups, and I'll try these guys out on Tuesdays since I won't be home until about 7pm. Thursdays my hubby is going to have to grab something himself. I'm going to be taking myself some leftovers. I'm planning on eating with my friends for lunch and dinner, hopefully, and I'm trusting that I can resist eating garbage food in the dining hall since I need to save the money, and I know they'll be watching me like a hawk since I won't have paid to eat dining hall food.

My biggest problem is going to be coming up with some low point lunches that I can take with me to school. If anyone has any ideas for quick lunches, please let me know. I'm really going to try to keep planning this as well as I can. I HAVE to keep planning so that I can keep losing weight. I'm uncomfortable with my body, I want to look good next summer and I want to wear a bikini. I want this to be my lifestyle, not just a temporary diet. I can feel it kicking in, but I need to keep going for it to turn into a lifestyle.

So I'm working on it, and I'm nowhere near giving up. I'm going to try to stay strong for the rest of my trip, and I'll definitely be staying on the bandwagon!

updates from the road

I should have updated sooner, but I guess I'm kind of embarrassed. This is my test week, my week to see if I could stay eating healthy without WW holding me accountable. I'm failing, miserably. Granted, I am in a hotel with no fridge, so a lot of my food that I'd normally eat is out. No yogurt, no berries, no leftovers. I'm also in rural, middle of nowhere, North Dakota. I don't have a car; since I'm only 21, I can't drive the rental car. I can order pizza from a little pizza shop, but it's pizza, and because I don't have a fridge, I can't keep leftovers, so it's either eat the whole pizza or throw it away. It's pizza! I'm not going to just toss it.

On Wednesday, my travel day, I knew I didn't eat very well. I had cereal for breakfast before I went to the airport, then I bought a turkey/provolone sandwich and some fruit salad. Once I got to Chicago, I got a bag of chips, a banana and a gyro, but I threw away the fries that came with the gyro. I think I just munched for dinner, we went to the store, I got fruit that doesn't have to be in the fridge, and I just ate that.

Yesterday, I didn't make the best choices: pizza, bagels, spaghetti-o's.. But I did run in the morning, and I swam last night. So I thought about it, I knew what I had in my room that I could take for lunch, and I knew what the continental breakfast in my hotel had and I planned what I was going to eat today.

I did really well. I had some toast with pb this morning, and some cereal. For lunch, I took tuna, some brown rice, a banana and a 100 cal. pack of choc. pretzels. Now I'm going to a going away party for the superintendent of the park that we're working at, and I know that I won't be eating the best, it's a potluck. I was going to eat healthy before that, so what did I do? Eat about 2 cups of trail mix, and easy mac. Honestly, it's not the worst that I could have eaten, but I know I wasn't hungry, so why did I do it?

Sigh..

Tomorrow though, we're going to Theodore Roosevelt National Historic Site, and I know we'll do a lot of hiking, so I'll earn some APs that way. Who knows what I'll be eating though. I'm trying to do healthy, I really am. And I'm eating more fruit than I would normally be eating on the road. I'll see how much I weigh once I go home.

Anyways, here's some pictures from beautiful North Dakota. You just feel like a minuscule part of this huge universe that God created:

business trip!

I'm going to be testing myself this week. Since I'm contemplating canceling my WW subscription due to financial reasons, I want to see how I would do in the real world without WW holding me accountable. It's going to be a little bit difficult because I'll be living off of food with no microwave or refrigerator. I'm taking canned tuna, fiber bars, healthy cereal, oatmeal, etc. that I can eat mostly without a microwave. The hotel has a continental breakfast, which will be a challenge to stay away from. I'm planning on getting to a grocery store tomorrow and buying apple and bananas at least, since I won't have a microwave. At the continental breakfast, I'm going to try to grab some things that I can eat for lunch, eat some yogurt.

I don't want to track. I'm going to try to do my best and live a "healthy" life without WW. I know there's a Subway 1.5 miles away, so I might run/walk to that for dinner a couple times. There's an indoor swimming pool, so I want to swim everyday. It's so much cooler there, so I'm planning on running more. I'm taking my ipod, too, so I'm going to try to run with that, maybe it'll take my mind off the difficult-ness of running and I'll be able to run longer.

This is my second business trip, and because I'm only a student, this is huge for me. In May, I went to Atlanta, GA for 2 weeks doing the same thing I'm doing this time, a photographer's assistant/museum tech. May was REALLY hard, it was the first time I'd ever been away from my husband since we've been married, and I was SO nervous and flat out scared. I'm really excited this time, going to Knife River Indian Village in Stanton, ND. It'll be my first time out of the eastern time zone, and the farthest west I've ever gone. It'll be my first layover at an airport, I know, minor detail, but still, it's a first.

I'm super excited. I'll update when I land tomorrow and get all set in my hotel room!

the start of a new week

I had a good weekend, it was fun. I didn't go overboard in my eating, but I didn't exactly stay OP, but I tracked everything, and that's what matters. I ran on Saturday morning, and I was pretty proud of myself for doing that. Hubby and I played tennis last night, but I was so, so, SO tired and exhausted I couldn't really play. No clue why that was, but I still did it for 30 minutes. Friday night we just went food shopping, and although my shopping list was tiny, we still spent $70, and I don't really know how.

Saturday we slept in and lounged around, and I went for a run. Saturday afternoon we went to my friend's house, she was my roommate before I got married. We had a good time there, we swam and watched Harry Potter, we grilled and had a campfire and made s'mores. I did a rough track of everything I ate, but I know I missed some things, but what am I supposed to eat when my options are cheeseburger or sausage? I did swim, too, and we played volleyball in the pool, so I earned some APs there.

Sunday we watched Charles Stanley. Hubby told me he misses going to a church, and we have a church that we go to, but it's 20 minutes away, and we never feel like getting up in the morning to go. I know it's terrible, but at least we're watching something in the morning. I think we're too nervous to try to look for a new church where we're living now, it's a daunting task, but I know we need to find a church.

My laptop has a virus, so we had to take that to Best Buy, and it would cost us $250 to get that fixed!! It's 3 years old, I got it before I started college, so it's not worth it to put that kind of money into it. We have Hubby's laptop, and that's fine for now, and we'll save money to buy our mac someday...

Then we went to Walmart and we needed stuff from there: conditioner, notebooks, garbage bags, that kind of thing. Hubby HATES walmart with a passion and it didn't help that we were arguing about money anyway, and I go and spend $120 there. We needed everything though. That kind of put me in a funk, and I just felt depressed the rest of the day, well until Hubby made me feel better. I came home from walmart and cleaned for 3 hours. I got on my knees and scrubbed the kitchen floor, I cleaned the cabinets in the kitchen and cleaned the bathroom. Later on, we dusted and vacuumed the rest of the apartment. Hubby assured me that it would be okay and we'll have enough money to pay our bills.

I threw a fit in the car when my laptop died, and I realized that I didn't have a laptop to take with me on my business trip to North Dakota, and I insisted that I should have to take Hubby's. Afterwards, I felt like a 2 year old who threw a tantrum because "it's not fair that MY laptop broke." We both apologized later, though, and I am going to take his laptop. He's going up to PA next weekend, and he can use a computer while he's there. I'd have nothing while I'm in ND. I tried to convince him that we'd have the money to pay off a new mac since my laptop broke and I NEEDED one for school (I'm acting like a child, I know). I've grown up though, and realized that I can use the school's computer while I'm there, and put any work on my thumb drive to bring it home, it's no big deal.

Hubby is on call this weekend, the company he works for has a job in DC through a sketchy residental area, and there's temporary water lines though the whole area which are very touchy and easily broken. Someone from the company has to be on-call 24/7, and this past week was Hubby's. We got two calls this weekend, one on Saturday while we were at my friend's house. Hubby went himself, it's wasn't too late, and that was fine. We got another call last night at 9pm. Me, being the good wife, went with him. Well I wasn't much help, I slept the whole time. When they called, they told him the address, Hubby thought it was weird, because it didn't seem like a road they were working on, but he asked her to double check, and she insisted that it was their line. Whatever, we drove down there, looking for the spurting water, and we couldn't find anything. Hubby calls to get the address again, and they say "oh, it was another contractor's line". Why the heck couldn't anyone call us and tell us? DC is an hour and a half from our apt!! We drove that whole way for nothing. Now Hubby's sick, he only got 4 1/2 hrs of sleep last night and is at work all day. Oh man, I feel for him today, and I'm praying for him.

That was my exciting weekend, now I have to get to work, start packing tonight. I'll update you on that tomorrow.

ww vent..

Take a look at my weigh ins - I've been floating around the lower 170s for TWO MONTHS! Two months! That's ridiculous! I'm so ready to actually make a dent in my weight loss. I feel different, and I know I need to look at every week, because really, I was on vacation last week and I only gained 1.2 lbs, and that's really good for me.

I'm nervous that when I go back to school, I won't be able to stay OP because I'll have to take my lunch & dinner every Tues/Thurs to school, and I'm going to want to eat with my friends, and quesdillas with sour cream and fries aren't exactly point friendly. I'm staying OP, mostly, and yes, I know if you kind of work with WW, it only kind of works for you. I need to stay OP on the weekends, and I need to workout every day, which I'm getting better at. I know that it's probably partially my portion sizes are off, meaning my points are off. I am enjoying working out, though, so that's a plus. I'm so ready to blast down to 165 it's not even funny.

Plans for this weekend? I'm going to visit one of my friends from college tomorrow, and I know we're going to do some grilling. I'll try to be really, really good, and if I go off it'll only be for that meal and I'll jump right back on the wagon. We're at the apt. this weekend, so I can workout, play tennis, go running, swim, and do a bunch of exercise so I can see a big loss next week.

I shouldn't focus so much on the scale, I feel better, I've been getting more fruits/vegs in than I have in my entire life, I don't like to waste points on things that aren't good for me, unless I have all my GHGs in. So tomorrow, I'll have a salad for lunch before I go to my friends house, and I'll be smart with my choices there. She has a pool, so I'll swim, and maybe I'll even get up and run tomorrow morning.

Next week I'm going on a business trip to North Dakota, pretty much the middle of nowhere, literally. There's a Subway 1.5 miles away, so I might run/walk to there for most of my dinners. I'm planning on taking tuna, fiber bars, dry cereal, oatmeal if I can find a fridge, my pb2, and buying apples and bananas when I get there. If I do really well from now until Wednesday morning, I might do my WI a few days early, since I won't be able to WI until the following Friday, really. It'll be a test, since my meals are paid for, and there's a restaurant attached to the hotel we're staying at, as well as a continental breakfast. There is a pool, though, so I'm planning on swimming everyday. Since it's North Dakota, and flat, I can run, too.

So my goal for next week while I'm traveling would be to stay OP as much as possible, and don't loose focus of the prize! Workout everyday and eat as good as I can.

financial mess

Okay, so this has nothing to do with WW, or my weight loss journey, but it's more something that I'm stressing over and need to get off my chest. Hubby probably wouldn't like that I'm posting this for the world to see, but knowing that no one who actually knows me personally reads this, I think it's safe.

As I mentioned yesterday, school starts in 3 weeks. I just bought my books this weekend, spending a whopping $250 ish for them, which we don't really have. Right now we're paying on hubby's student loans, the interest on my 3 student loans, 3 credit cards, car insurance, a new car, rent, cell phone, TV bill, food and gas (of course). In 3 weeks I go back to school, which includes having to buy yoga clothes for my class - I'm NOT wearing the same pants to school everyday, sorry, but I'm not. I'm only at school for 2 days a week, I'm not wearing the same pants everyday I'm there. And the only yoga pants I have are capris anyways, so I need pants. I'm not even going back to school shopping for clothes, I know I have a ton of clothes and don't NEED new ones. I do need notebooks though, but I'll just get the cheap 3 subject ones, along with some folders.

Hubby pays all the bills, I mess up the checkbook everytime; yes, everytime, I touch it. My job is to cook the food, and buy the food. Right now, we're okay with us using about $100 each week for food and paper products, WalMart runs, all that sort of thing, and I think we'd be okay if I didn't have to go back to school. But since I'm going back to school, I have to cut my hrs. down from 40/week to 24/week, and that equals out to about $600/month that we'll be losing. That's a HUGE number when we only have about $100 extra/month, and that's if we're lucky and there's no birthdays or extra expenses. So I need to come up with cheaper meals and hopefully still stay on WW.

I'm thinking about quitting WW, I'll still stay on plan, but I won't pay for the service. Last summer was about the numbers, I didn't change my life. I ate eggs every morning, had a frozen meal before going to work and varied what I took for work. I didn't drink enough water, the only exercise I got was at work. This summer I feel like I've changed my life. I don't eat food unless I know they're good for me. I've had WW snacks in the house, but I feel like they're a waste of points. I started exercising and I like it, and I'm sure I'll stick with it. But I think if I don't have WW online to keep me accountable, I would slip off the wagon.

Hubby is going to ask for a raise, and he might have to get a weekend job, too. I feel terrible putting this all on him, but I can't get a second job, I'll need my time during the week for school work. Maybe I could get a weekend job if we really needed it, but I have to put my schoolwork first.

I'm even having trouble sleeping at night because I'm so stressed. I don't normally get like this, but now that reality is setting in, it's hard to ignore. I'm praying constantly about it, and I know I'm getting peace from God, and I know He'll help us get through it. Our lease is up in December, and we might look for a smaller place, which I'm totally fine with. We have a room that we never, ever use. I just need to look for cheaper meals, and don't be spending money.

Matthew 6:27-29
"Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are."

august goals

It's unbelievable how fast this year is going! I don't even want to think about starting school again in 3 weeks - yes, 3 weeks! Since it's a new month, I need to do a new monthly goal. Really, I think I need daily goals to keep me motivated each day, weekly goals for something long term, but not too long term, and monthly goals to keep me motivated long term.

Non WW goals:
- Harder work ethic - I am lazy, there's no way around it. I get comfortable in a job, and I feel like I earned my right to slack, which makes no sense, and I know that.
- Be a better Christian, one day at a time - I'm really trying to focus on God, read my Bible, give Him my worries, so I need to read my Bible daily and pray constantly, thanking Him, asking for advice and help
- Be more responsible with money - once school starts up again, hubby and I will be down $600/month and right now we have about $100 leftover everymonth. We're trying to figure out how to shave down some bills and be able to pay for the things we need, like electric, rent, car insurance and car payments. No, I don't NEED new clothes or fancy things.
- Stick to a budget - hubby pays the bills, my only job is to pick out the food and buy it. My job is to keep our food budget as small as possible. Right now it's $100/week, but I'm going to try really hard to shave it down to $75 or $50 week, which can save us up to $200/month.

WW goals:
- Continue on my C25K training - I want to run so bad, I just bought new shoes while I was at the beach, and I know I can complete C25K, so I want to keep working on it.
- Track on weekends - I've always had problems tracking on weekends, but right now it looks like I'll be home 2 weekends, so I can stay OP then, and I just need to learn to make smart choices. This is a LIFE CHANGE not a DIET, and I need to start treating it like that.
- Meet my GHGs everyday - I can do this, even if I'm not strictly OP, I need to meet my GHGs every day. I can drink water constantly, and make a green monster to get in fruits/veggies, dairy, and oil in 1 drink.
- Workout 2x/day 5 days/week - I know 10x/week might seem like a lot, but it's Monday-Friday that I'm easily on plan. I have the time, and even when I start school, I can still get up in the morning and run/Shred, I have yoga class on Tues/Thursday, so that knocks that out.

Whew! I need to write these down and put them somewhere so that I remember them and can focus on them. I should put them on my fridge and anywhere else I'll look.

i'm baaaack!

I had a blast last week. I enjoyed spending time with my family, and as much as I love to go out to eat, I didn't make vacation only about going out to eat. I went out to eat 5 times, 4 for dinner and 1 breakfast. I didn't make smart choices, I know I didn't, but I knew I wasn't going to, and I'm not beating myself up for it.

The week started out strong with green monsters for breakfast, and oatmeal one day, but then I didn't want that anymore. I usually grabbed a fiber bar or something, and had a sandwich for lunch. So overall, breakfast was usually a win - other than going out that one day, I had a crab omelet with potatoes. I ate sandwiches for lunch, yes, I put mayo on them, and cheese, but it was turkey and whole wheat bread - doesn't that count?

I cooked 2 dinners in and made WW meals : chicken teriyaki and classic shepherd's pie. Everyone liked them and I knew that they were healthier.

I exercised just about everyday. We took walks, rode bikes, or did my Shred, working up a sweat each time.

I peeked at the scale today and I was 171.8 - and in shock! My goal was to not gain any more than 4 lbs. I would have allowed myself to go up to 175, but I didn't have to! I'm really excited and proud of myself! Hopefully I'll stay on track this week and I'll be able to get down to where I was before I went on vacation.

One thing that I'm glad I can do with no problem is jump back on track. I don't have a problem just being able to start a new day and stay OP. I love WW, and I don't think of it as a diet so much anymore. I don't have to say I can't eat that, I can eat what I want, and if I fall off the wagon, than I can just hop back on at the next meal or day. I love to cook and plan, and I think that helps a TON. I know that I can cook good, tasty WW meals and can track it with no problem. I know what my portions are and what I have to do to lose weight.

I got up at 5:30 this morning, and I ran, well I started C25K training again. I wasn't sure if I had to start week 1 over again, or it I would be ready for week 2. I decided to be motivated this morning and try week 2, so I did, and I did it! I'm pretty proud of myself that I did it. I bought new running shoes and was really nervous they were going to hurt my shins, but I think it's because I'm running too fast, so I slowed down and I did it with no problem. I'm excited that I can actually see the progress, I know it gets harder, but I'm happy with where I'm headed.