weekend update along with baby fever

I had a wedding to go to on Saturday, I didn't eat like a pig, but I ate, and enjoyed the food. I keep wanting to slap myself in the forehead for doing this EVERY WEEKEND! Really though, I should embrace it, just know that I'll probably not track every weekend, but focus on eating real food, getting my GHG's and tracking really well during the week. I can still loose weight, it might not be as fast as I could, but slow and steady wins the race.

In other words, a member of my family is pregnant. I'm so super excited for her, but this puts baby fever in the foreground of my mind. I've always wanted to be a mom, always, and that is my number one dream job. Yes, you can think I'm crazy but I don't care about finishing school, I know in my heart that God created me to be a mom. It's interesting, we were talking about my sister-in-law going to get her Ph.D., my other sister-in-law is going for her master's and I'm quite content with my bachelor's degree once I have it in May. I just had a picture in my mind of my sisters-in-law and me in 5 years. I'll be chasing babies around the house, and I can just picture the one who is really just about a genius, giving some fancy talk about something smart, and I'll just have my kids. I don't feel resentful at all regarding that either. That's what I want to do.

Honestly, the only thing that is holding us back from having kids is money. And I HATE that money is the only thing, it's not that we're not ready to be parents, or we need to grow up first. We don't care about taking any trips to Europe and having just "us" time before we have kids. None of that matters to us. We just don't have the MONEY to do it. We know it's not smart to bring a child into this world without having financial stability. I got a refund check from my college, and that paid off one of our credit cards. We'll get another one in January which will pay off another card and we'll be left with just one more credit card. I'm despretely hoping that we can pay that off rather quickly and have kids. I know I'm young and we should enjoy our time together, but that's like putting off college, in my mind, because of something. This is my dream, this is what I want to do, this is all I want to do.

Anyways, all the more reason to stay on my WW journey and get down to a healthy weight so that I can be healthy for my babies and live until they're old and gray. If I don't think I need to do this for me, then I need to do it for them. Our baby bucket list includes paying off credit cards and me being at a healthy weight. I need to get down to the healthy weight before we're done paying off the cards, I don't want me to have to be waiting on me to loose the weight.

back to tracking...

Okay, so I gained this week. It's not a total shocker, I used the excuse of not counting points so that I could splurge on peanut butter, and trail mix. Oh, I had a piece of cake this week, too. I only worked out Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. I'm still trying to find balance between everything, but I have the sweetest husband ever! Thursdays I have late class, so Chuck does laundry, feeds himself, and usually whatever other chores he can find. This is after he works a 10 hour day, outside, in the 95 degree DC heat. When I came home last night, he rearranged the furniture in the living room and put the desk in there so that I have a desk to do my homework on. He also bought me flowers! And they were pink - my favorite color! He's such a great guy, and I have no idea how I snatched him before someone else did.

Anyways, back to weight loss. After seeing that I DO need something keeping me accountable, that just wanting to loose weight doesn't magically make you loose that weight. With that said, I'm back to tracking. It was nice to not have to track for a few weeks. I didn't do terrible, I have my normal foods, I still got recipes off of WW and ate my veggies and such, but as I mentioned before, my downfall was peanut butter and trail mix.

After weighing myself this morning, I was determined to plan out everything, and I mean everything, that I'm going to put in my mouth in the next week. Okay, not everything, I'm still having trouble with weekends. This weekend I'll be at my cousin's house in PA, and we have a wedding to go to tomorrow, but I'm going to try to make healthy choices, really, I am. So I planned out what I'm going to eat for Tues - Fri of next week. I'm hoping that I can see the scale go down a few pounds, but we'll see.

Once I was done for next week, I decided that I was having fun, and that I really wanted to use a couple good recipes that I found, so I planned out the following week, too (not including weekends). Next weekend we're home, and I usually do really good at home. I have a lot of reading to do, and homework, so hopefully that will keep me on track. We might go out shopping on Saturday, so I'll have to watch myself if we go out to eat. I'm so sick of being stuck only having lost 10 lbs. since MAY! I should be down 20 lbs. I know it's my own fault, I'm just not staying on track. As others have said, "if you kind of do WW, it only kind of works".

Especially with me not working out as much as I would have liked, and I don't have the time to now, so I need to make sure I stick to my points and the weight will come off.

Another thing I did: I deleted all my previous history on the WI tracker on e-tools. Now when I had the idea, I thought it was going to be like starting fresh, like restarting WW on September 1. Nope, not so, it still has where I was when I started LAST YEAR! So now I just have a straight line for 15 months saying that I was stuck at 169.6 for those 15 months. Oh well, I'm just glad I can kind of start with a clean slate. All my food is planned out, and I CAN do this! I WILL do this!

"I can do all things through Him, who gives me strength."
- Phil. 4:13

i missed the hogwarts express again!

It's September first, and that means I've missed the Hogwarts Express again (yes, I know that Hogwarts is NOT real, but a girl can still dream, right?), and I'm stuck in reality, but it's a new month, with new possibilities, a fresh new start.

Another good thing about September is that I can start playing Christmas music. I know that it's only September, but for a girl who had a Christmas themed wedding, I'll play Christmas music as early as I would like, thank you very much! :)

I'm still on my "test" of succeeding at losing weight without WW, and I'm not doing very well. I think it's because I'm eating nuts and PB just about every day, and I know that I'm not eating lower points things to make up for that. I'm pretty sure I'll be facing a gain this week, which is proof that I NEED to count points. I was hoping that I could quit WW and not have to pay, but I don't think I'm ready for that yet.

Balancing school, WW, working and being a wife is hard work. I just can't find that perfect balance that I need in order to succeed this semester. I think I got spoiled because I was only working for the first 8 months of our marriage and I could come home and cuddle with the hubby and watch tv for 4 hours if I wanted. Now, I don't have time to do that, I have reading to do. Chuck knows that, and he's trying to help, but he doesn't understand the amount that I have to read every night to stay on top of things. I have really easy classes, I know I do, and I love that, but I still have to read just about every night.

I think I'll really plan out my meals for next week, including points values, that will be homework in and of itself. I need to lose this weight, my average weekly loss is 0.3 - 0.3! That's terrible! I can plan everything now, and I need to. I'm still doing C25K, generally, every morning, so I know that weight loss will slow down because I'm not exercising as much as I've been since May. So I need to be super consious about my food intake so that I can still lose weight.

Now to go over my goals from August and judge myself on them.

• Harder work ethic - I did okay. I'm not saying I did as well as I would have liked, but I think I'm working more than I was. Granted, some of that could be a result of only working 3x/week and I have to work during those three days to stay on top, but still.
• Better Christian - I like to think that I am, but I'm not. I'm not praying and turning to God as much as I should be. I'm not reading my Bible every day, only when it's convenient.
• More responsible with money - Honestly, I think I succeeded with this. I didn't buy anything for myself unless I needed it. I've kept food shopping as cheap as possible.
• Stick to a budget - Continuing with the last goal, I've done better, but not as good as I should be, I'll continue working on this, especially because we have less money to work with now that I'm in school.
• Continue C25K - Finally, an actual success. I have continued C25K, although I think I'm going to change it up to jogging for a certain length of time, straight up, then walking. I get so tired if I alternate walking and jogging, I'd rather just jog.
• Track weekends - Fail. Seeing as I haven't tracked anything since the beginning of August, this is a MAJOR fail.
• Meet GHGs - Another success. I've been very conscious about what I'm putting in my mouth, and I think this month I'm going to work on eating "cleanly"
• Workout 10x week - Nope, didn't meet this one either. I have made an effort to workout though, and that's more than I could say I did 6 months ago.

All in all, it was a pretty bad month. I started the month at 170.6 and ended it at 169 ish. That's terrible. I don't feel better than I did, and yes, the life changing is very much so sinking in, but I need to show it on the scale, stop eating everything all weekend and indulging in what I want to eat.

Now for September's goals

Non weight loss goals:

• Don't get behind on schoolwork
• Read my Bible and pray daily
• Keep on a food budget
• Be more outgoing, and don't be afraid to talk to people
• Be kinder to my husband, he's doing a lot for me, and sometimes I just take all my stress out on him

WW goals:

• Continue jogging - either C25K or just jogging
• Start weight lifting
• Track, track, track
• Eat cleaner foods. Stick to real food, not food products, even if it means sacrificing points to do so.
• Do pushups daily

still testing...

At my WI yesterday I was 168.6 lbs. Honestly, I think that's good. I lost 1 lb. from last week, and I wasn't totally back on track. I didn't track, but kept with eating my WW recipes, fruits/vegs, meeting my GHGs and being smart about what I ate. On the flip side though, I had a hot dog and ice cream at my picnic on Monday, had a Chipotle burrito on Thursday and ate the WHOLE thing! I think I might be able to cancel my WW subscription. That'll help because Hubby only got a $1 raise. I know every little bit helps, but we were hoping for more than $1.

With that said, I'm planning on being a lot smarter with my food and how much we buy. With all my smoothies and regular foods, I just need to be really cautious about my dinners. Slowly I'll learn how to be really good about how to make foods go longer. I buy meat on sale and stick it in the freezer, but I feel like we need to be creative with our typical chicken, so I need to learn how to do that.

Anyways, school is going well. I might drop one of my classes, it's about the Old Testament, but I think it's going to take the turn to where we're criticizing the Old Testament, which I'm not a fan of. I'll stick with it for now, but we'll see if it takes a nasty turn, I'm out of there.

Time to enjoy the weekend! Hope everyone enjoys theirs, too!

back to school

It's that time again, the time when parents rejoice and kids hate it. I may be in college, but I still don't look forward to going to school. No, scratch that. I do like going to school, I just don't like working AND going to school. I'm in my last year, I just had my last first day of school, and the real world is chasing me around, taunting me and laughing at me because the real world is going to eat me alive come May.

My classes should be easy, except for one. Six out of my seven classes I voluntarily (mostly) took, and at least five of the seven are intro. classes, which I know I shouldn't take, but I didn't have a choice considering that I HAVE to work. I hate it. I wish I didn't have to work. I know it's going to look awesome on my resume, but I would love, for just one semester take classes based on what the material is, and be able to schedule work AROUND those classes. But ever since my freshman year, I've had to work the most hours I could, and then see which classes fit into that schedule. It sucks, flat out sucks.

Last week's test was kind of a flop, but I didn't gain anywhere near the amount of weight I thought I would. So this week, I'm doing another test; not couting points, just eating healthy. I'm still trying to find out the balance with school, since I think I only drank about 36 ounces of water yesterday, and I need to keep drinking about 100 ounces, I think. I can eat well while I'm at school, but I need to come up with more snacks for in between classes, things that don't need to be in the fridge. That's what I'm struggling with now.

I'll keep you posted on how school and my WW test are doing when I WI on Friday...

it's starting to sink in

This is starting to be a lifestyle change. Honestly, it really is, and I'm super proud of myself. Comparing myself to last summer, I can see the difference. Last summer I lost 25 lbs, but I ate garbage. I mean I kind of watched what I ate, but I worked in a sweat box factory, no kidding I lost 25 lbs. in 3 months. I gained it all back, of course, but it was nice while it lasted. This summer, I'm seeing the life change. I've been kind of off WW all week. I had good intentions, but I'm preparing myself to see that scale go up on Friday. I didn't work out like I wanted to, I didn't eat good foods at all, but I can't wait to get back on the bandwagon.

I've taken a step back this week and I think I've figured some things out. I made a list of snack foods that I "approve" of for once school starts. I've also figured out what "real food" is, as compared to processed foods. I'm really going to try to eat food, not food products. I'll sacrifice some points for things like almonds, greek yogurt, bananas, things that are a little higher in points, but keep you fuller longer and are healthy for you. It's definitely sinking in that I need to eat healthy food and exercise to get healthy, lose weight and keep this weight off.

Even though I've been "off WW" this week, I'm totally not enjoying it. Eating pizza 3x in a week, eating no fruits/vegs and barely drinking any water just isn't appealing to me anymore. I'll have my moments when I'll fall off the wagon, I'm sure, and I know that my journey is FAR from over, but it's all sinking in.

That's all. I'll be heading home tomorrow, and I'm going to try to eat healthier, but I'll be eating airport food all day, so we'll see how that goes. I'm preparing myself for the scale, and I'm not going to let it bring me down.

I'm seriously in the middle of nowhere, and I haven't used my phone all week (no service) and there is a layer of dust on my phone. It's beautiful out here though, I could live out here.

update number 2

This week of testing myself is butchered. Honestly, I blame the lack of a fridge, which I know is just an excuse. Well not completely. I don't know what to eat for dinner if not bad food. I have tuna and brown rice, but who wants tuna and brown rice for dinner 7 days in a row? Not me, that's for sure. So while I'm on travel, I need WW to keep me accountable, but seeing as I won't be traveling for a long, long time, I need to get back on track.

I can't wait to get back on track because I feel like garbage. I'm not drinking anywhere near my normal amount of water, I'm eating barely 2-3 servings of fruits/vegs, I'm eating probaly 5x the amount of sodium I should be consuming. I have a pretty good breakfast, toast with pb, hard boiled egg and cereal. A big breakfast, but it keeps me full. Not that it matters, I eat an early lunch, and crap for dinner.

I just planned my food for next week. School starts next week, which I'm super nervous about btw, and I need to be very, very good at planning in order to stay on WW while I'm at school.

Here's the plan:
Mon/Wed/Fri: run in the morning, follow by a green monster and PB toast for breakfast. I'll do my normal sandwich, leftovers, whatever lunch, and normal dinner that I plan out, just like I've been doing all summer. The problem is going to be Tues/Thurs while I'm at school and am tempted by my friends to just spend the money and eat in the dining hall.

I'm planning on making myself eggs for breakfast on Tues/Thurs right after working out, probably doing my Shred or a 2 mile walk away the pounds. For lunch I'll take something light, a sandwich or salad probably. Tuesdays are going to be my crock pot days. I got a HUGE list of WW crockpot meals, hopefully without high sodium canned soups, and I'll try these guys out on Tuesdays since I won't be home until about 7pm. Thursdays my hubby is going to have to grab something himself. I'm going to be taking myself some leftovers. I'm planning on eating with my friends for lunch and dinner, hopefully, and I'm trusting that I can resist eating garbage food in the dining hall since I need to save the money, and I know they'll be watching me like a hawk since I won't have paid to eat dining hall food.

My biggest problem is going to be coming up with some low point lunches that I can take with me to school. If anyone has any ideas for quick lunches, please let me know. I'm really going to try to keep planning this as well as I can. I HAVE to keep planning so that I can keep losing weight. I'm uncomfortable with my body, I want to look good next summer and I want to wear a bikini. I want this to be my lifestyle, not just a temporary diet. I can feel it kicking in, but I need to keep going for it to turn into a lifestyle.

So I'm working on it, and I'm nowhere near giving up. I'm going to try to stay strong for the rest of my trip, and I'll definitely be staying on the bandwagon!