Trusting My Body & Fears.

Monday again? Where is this year going? I know things are only going to speed up, but geez, life is whizzing past me! The weekend was good. I visited with family and did some reading. Enjoyed the absolutely beautiful weather we had and appreciated it while it's here.

With this pregnancy, I really want to trust my body. I don't want to count calories and see how many calories I burn on each workout, meticulously tracking everything that goes into my mouth. I want to trust my body to gain as much as it needs to. The problem with this is that I never really experimented with this before getting pregnant. I like to think I was pretty good at maintaining, especially because I hadn't really lost any weight for about a month or so before getting pregnant. But I think that was more due to the fact of meticulously tracking during the week, and going a bit overboard on the weekends. It balanced out, honestly. Once finding out that I was pregnant, I stopped tracking my food. I wasn't sure how many calories I needed to it, and couldn't easily find an answer when I asked Dr. Google. Since certain foods didn't sound good, I just wanted to trust my body, eat what I was hungry for and when I was hungry for it. I thought this was working out pretty good.

I've been weighing myself on Fridays, still, and I want to continue that just to keep myself on track. I don't want to let this pregnancy be a free ticket and let myself eat everything. I know I've been eating too much junk food and haven't been focusing on real foods, but nothing sounds good to me. Mac & cheese sounds better than a salad.

My doctor's appointment is in one week, and I'm nervous that they're going to tell me I can only gain X amount of weight because I'm still overweight, and that scares me. I'm scared because I keep thinking that I should have waited to get pregnant until I was at goal weight. That was my goal, ultimately, but things happened. But I have come a long way. I went from having a BMI of 34 to 27.4 with my pre-pregnancy weight. The doctor won't know that though. They won't even know what my pre-pregnancy weight is.

I don't feel like eating healthy food, I don't feel like exercising or doing any activity really. I'm so content sitting and reading. I'm constantly tired, and taking the laundry upstairs is enough to tire me out. I'm nervous that this isn't normal, even though I know it is. I'm scared that I'm just not pushing myself and I'm being lazy and making excuses for everything.

Fears are starting to come out. I had my first hormone-induced crying fit to Mr. Skinny last week. I mentioned about going to classes and he asked why we needed classes, and I started crying, mumbling about how I'm afraid he's not going to be enough help when I'm in labor if he won't step outside his comfort zone and research everything he possibly can and I'm going to look like I'm all alone if I go to the classes by myself. It was such a stereotypical pregnant woman meltdown. I think he realized what the next 7 1/2 months are going to be like.

We were able to keep our secret again for the second weekend from our families. Even though we were both asked point blank when we're going to start our families, we're so used to laughing it off, we didn't even think of telling the truth. We have just one week left until our doctor's appointment and then we'll tell everyone. I'm still nervous about my mom, and I keep praying that God is working on her to accept this. Especially since we live with her, I don't want her to say something hurtful to us. I appreciate so very much all the kind comments, and since I don't have many (re: any) friends in real life, I'm so thankful for all the support I get from the blogging community. You don't know how much that means to me.

Tell me:


What are some of your fears about life?
Can you trust your body?