Birth Wishes

Okay, so I know that birth "plans" can be controversial, and honestly, I understand why. There are so many ready made birth plans on the internet where you just check boxes, print it out and take it in without thinking about why certain boxes are being checked. I understand that I've never been in labor before, and can't plan for everything, but I know I've prepared myself and I've done my research and prayed about my ideal birth. I understand why I've included everything in my birth plan, and I understand that some things are totally out of my control. In the end, my baby is my goal, and I'll do whatever I need to in order to have her arrive in my arms safely. 

Here's my birth wishes:

Dear Birth Team,

Please help me to achieve the most natural birth possible. I’m so grateful for everyone who is helping me through this event! I have never been in labor before, but have spent my entire pregnancy reading and preparing for this experience. I am hopeful, prepared and determined, and am asking for as much support as I can get. 

Labor

• Please do not separate my husband and myself during labor or delivery
• I ask that no students or residents attend my labor/birth
• I would like to be free to walk around and get in any position that seems comfortable to me during labor. I brought my own birthing ball to use, and would like to be free to use the shower whenever needed, as well as walking to manage labor pains.
• I would not like to be hooked up to an IV unless it is medically necessary. If it becomes medically necessary, please explain why to my husband and myself. 
• I would prefer to continue drinking fluids (water, juice, gatorade) to keep myself hydrated
• I request that the hospital staff suggest natural ways to manage pain. I am aware pain medication is available, and I will discuss with my husband if I feel I need it
• I would like a hand held doppler to monitor baby’s heartbeat as much as possible so that I can move around freely during labor
• I prefer to eat if I wish to in order to keep my strength up
• I would like to labor without a time limit. If my labor stalls, please suggest natural ways to get labor going again without using medication. I would also like to have an unlimited amount of time if labor seems to stall - as long as the baby is not in distress

Environment

• I would like the door to remain closed
• I would like the lights dimmed, if it is daylight, I would like the lights to be off
• I may wish to play music, or I may wish for it to be quiet, please ask my husband which I’m preferring at that time

Pushing 

• I would prefer to push for as long as my body needs to, as long as the baby is not showing signs of distress
• I would prefer to push instinctively, in whichever position seems the most comfortable to me at the time
• I would rather risk tearing than having an episiotomy, and ask that the ob/midwife suggest different positions, use a hot compress, as well as guidance in when to push or stop pushing to minimize tearing
• Please ask me if I would like to touch the baby’s head as I am crowning
• Please ask me if I would like a mirror to see the baby being born
• If possible, I would love if my husband “caught” the baby, or if I could pull her up onto my chest as she’s being born

Post-Birth

• I would prefer that the placenta is delivered spontaneously without the use of  pitocin, and/or controlled traction on the umbilical cord.
• As long as the baby cries and has no obvious health problems, I would like to delay all procedures (including the vitamin K shot) until she is 1 hour old, or at minimum until I have breastfeed my baby on both breasts
• I would like the baby to be placed on my chest as soon as she is born for skin to skin contact & for me to nurse her
• I would like the staff to wait until the umbilical cord stops pulsating before clamping and cutting it
• I would like my husband to cut the umbilical cord
• Please do not give me Pitocin post-partum unless there are signs of hemorrhaging.
• I would like all newborn procedures to take place in my presence, while I or my husband is touching the baby.
• Please do not give my baby eye drops, I am willing to sign a medical waiver if need be

Hospital Stay

• Please do not offer formula, pacifiers, any artificial nipples or sugar water to my baby at any time
• I will be exclusively breastfeeding my baby
• I would prefer my baby stays in the room with me at all times, and if she needs to be taken from the room for any reason, my husband accompanies her

Cesarean Section

• I strongly hope to avoid a cesarean, but if the ob/midwife decides one is necessary, please explain the reasoning to my husband and I, and give us some time to discuss it and make our decision
• If a cesarean becomes necessary, I would like my husband to be present at all times during the operation
• I would like to be conscious
• I would like to hope or touch my baby immediately afterward, before an examination
• I would like my husband to accompany the baby wherever she needs to go
• I would prefer a low transverse incision on my abdomen and uterus
• Please keep me informed as to what is going on during the surgery
• I would like the screen to be lowered a bit so I can see my baby being born, or have a mirror so that I can see

If baby’s health is in jeopardy

• I would like to be transported with my baby if possible
• If I cannot go with the baby, I ask that my husband accompanies her
• I would like to have as much bodily contact with my baby as possible
• I would like to breastfeed or pump for my baby

I took this to my appointment yesterday and the only things she wanted to review with me was the eating - I think she thought I wanted like full meals, which I don't - I just don't want to be denied food. She also talked to me about laboring without a time limit, just warning me that if baby doesn't descend, she just might not fit through my birth canal, but I don't think I'll have a problem with that. Also, monitoring the heartbeat, there will be times I'll have to be hooked up to the monitor for a period of time, and if everything is good, I'm free to move around. She was great with everything else and has a copy of our "wishes" to keep in my file for when I need them!

-------------------------------------------------------------

What do you think about birth "wishes"?

Thirty Weeks.

My dearest baby girl,

Our countdown is in the single digits now! Granted, I know that's the countdown until the "due date" and you'll come when you decide it's time, whether it's before that date, or after that date, and that's fine. I'm mentally preparing myself for a June baby anyway, so you come when you're good and ready, and unless there's a medical reason for it, I won't be evicting you based on what I think. Daddy and I will be putting our foot down if a doctor tries to tell us that you're too big and they think you should come out, unless there's a good medical reason. You'll come out when you're ready. Your Uncle Billy was 3 weeks late, so I'm not worried. I'll enjoy watching you move around in my belly and watching my belly grow!

Let's see how you're growing and changing, shall we? According to thebump.com, you are anywhere from 15.2-16.7 inches and I can definitely feel all of that length! Weight is about 2.5 to 3.8 lbs. I'm hoping for a smaller weight, but considering how big I am, maybe you'll be pretty big. I was under 7 lbs. when I was born, but I'm not sure how much Daddy was. Your brain is getting bigger and developing and your skin is getting smoother, and you're strong enough to grasp a finger! I wish I could see into my belly and see which parts of your body you're dragging across my belly. I love watching you move, I get a kick out of it every time I can watch my belly move. It's like I know that you're really there. Your vision is continuing to develop, but you can only see things a few inches from your face. You don't have much to look at in my belly anyways.

We had our second childbirth class yesterday and I'm even more comfortable about labor and delivery. I haven't been nervous at all about it, but I'm more relaxed than I was. I'm planning to write a post today to be up either tomorrow or Thursday. I also have a post about feeling about gaining weight during pregnancy that I started last week and should be up this week. Speaking of gaining weight, I gained another 2.3 last week, bringing my weight gain up to 26.2. And I put the scale away. I'll have more about that in the gaining weight post. With the warmer weather it's way easier to convince myself to go for a walk, or do yoga on the porch now that it's warmer out there now. With your stroller on the porch, Grammy even said if you were here she would take you for a little walk in the stroller. Hope you like walks, baby girl, I have a feeling you'll be going for a lot of them this summer and fall.

I also went for a birthday massage, facial and pedicure yesterday, thanks to Daddy. I don't know if you liked the massage or not, but you were moving around the whole time. I definitely liked the massage, but the facial was unnecessary, and the pedicure was the same I can get an cheaper nail places. I am so thankful to Daddy for that birthday present though. He is a wonderful guy, and I can't wait to see him holding you!

My salad cravings died down a little bit, but I still am going to try to eat them a few times a week. I know how nutritious they are, and I want to get you accustomed to all kinds of healthy foods. I haven't had any more cravings or aversions with my food. I'm still generally eating what I want and not having any issues.

On Saturday night though, I woke up with a really bad stomach ache that would come and go. I was awake for about an hour and I did throw up, but it didn't make the stomach ache go away. I was trying to analyze it to see if it was Braxton-Hicks contractions, but I didn't really feel like my uterus was tightening or anything, it just felt like a bad stomach ache that would come and go. I also got  a really bad heartache, but eventually I feel asleep again and woke up fine on Sunday morning. So I'm not sure if that was pregnancy related, or something I ate that didn't agree with me. I grilled on Saturday night, but no one else felt sick, so I'm not sure. I will bring it up at my doctor's appointment tomorrow.

We got a changing table! Your great Aunt Chrissy (I'm sure she loves being called that - haha!) offered us the changing table from her kids, and now that our room is finally done, we brought it over! We weren't going to get a changing table, but we figured it was free and they just had it sitting in their basement. I'm sure we could use one. So that's all set up in our room now. Daddy has to scrub it again and we need to buy a changing pad and covers, well put it on our registry and we'll be all set! Your cousin Krissy offered us her Boppy and her swing she has for Isaiah and Colton. We'll take any free stuff we can get our hands on! I'm very thankful for everything that we have and for all the generosity of our families. My shower is in one month from tomorrow and I'm super excited to have as much as possible to set everything up for you! Daddy and I are saving money because we know we won't get everything we "need" - but now that there's a possibility of him getting laid off, we'll just have to rely on God for getting us through this. Don't worry baby girl, no matter what, you'll be loved and you'll have the necessities. You won't get everything you want, but Daddy and I think that's a good thing.

I don't think I've talked names on here yet. We had two girl names picked out before we got pregnant, but our list has been ever changing and growing. Daddy is extremely picky about names, so we have our list which has four names on it, and we have the name picked that is our top choice, but we want to see you before we pick a name for sure. Your middle name will be after Grammy though, my middle name is after my Grammy, and I like that tradition. I know Grammy is thrilled about it, and deeply honored that you'll be named after her. Who knows, maybe when we see you we'll come up with a totally different name that fits you. We'll see!

I'm still leaking, but I have no other symptoms to add to the list. I'm still sleeping decently well, and I'm not swollen or crampy at all. No heartburn, shortness of breath, constipation. Granted, I loose my breath faster than I used to, but that's what happens. Nothing super annoying though. I am very blessed in this pregnancy and hope that this is a sign of labor and that I'm not jinxing myself that I had an easy pregnancy, but will have a terrible labor! I'm starting to settle into pregnancy, rubbing my belly all the time, watching you move and kick, wondering what you're going to look like or when you'll be born. I am definitely thankful every day for you baby girl.

Keep moving and growing!

Love,
Mommy

Tell me:


Have you every had a massage? 
Do you think it's okay to name a baby before their born without meeting them?

An answer to prayers

Not in the way that we would have wanted our prayers answered, but alas, they are answered. I thank you for the prayers, it was a hard time. Prayers do work!

As my mother-in-law finished up our state taxes, she saw that my employer wasn't taking any local taxes out, and so we owe a large sum of money to the state now. This sudden bill drained our savings account down to just about nothing, so a house is out of the question. As much as it's terrible we owe this money, it's an answer to prayers since we didn't know if we wanted to buy a house in Maryland, stay in our apartment, or move back to Pennsylvania. While this doesn't answer all of our prayers, it does knock one out.

We'll still be turning to God for answers regarding when we start our family, and when the timing is right for our move back to Pennsylvania, but right now, I feel at peace. I know that this is an answer from God in regards to our questions. We'll stay in our apartment now. No, we don't love our apartment, but it is a nice place, it has plenty of space for just the two of us. Maybe we'll have time now to go through our stuff and get rid of things we don't need, clean up and organize everything before we move back to Pennsylvania. Everything happens for a reason, even if we don't know what that reason is.

When to move?

This is what's been on my mind in the past few days.

We were looking at houses, and we did find one we really liked, but the weekend we put an offer on it, someone else did too, and we didn't get the house. We have a pretty low budget ($100K) and there aren't too many houses that we could get. Okay, scratch that - there are a lot of houses, but a TON of them are short sales. I mean, out of 54 houses, 50 of them are short sales.

Another factor is that the houses in the "city" - and I say it like that because it's not like NYC or another huge city, but it is a city - have really expensive taxes. Like, $3,500+ in taxes each year, and we can't pay that on top of a $700/month mortgage. We're getting frustrated, really frustrated. So this leads us to ponder the idea of moving back to Pennsylvania earlier than anticipated.

I'm not sure if I've explained this at all, so I'll explain it now:

Mr. Skinny's grandparents, at one point, owned about 20 acres of land in rural Northeastern Pennsylvania (NEPA). They bought it with the purpose of giving to their kids and grandkids to build on. My in-laws and Mr. Skinny's aunt and her family both have their houses on the land, which was given to them. Now Mr. Skinny's cousin has his land, and we're next in line for getting the land. Mr. Skinny has the land all organized, and we actually started clearing the land last spring, as well as getting it "perked" for a septic tank at some point in the next few years. We've always known that we want to move back there, heck, I've known that was a requirement since I started dating Mr. Skinny wayyy back in 2004. Ideally, I wanted to stay in Maryland until we had babies, since NEPA doesn't really have a ton of jobs in the history profession. But with everything that happened with Pop Pop, we feel like God is calling us to move back to NEPA sooner rather than later.

The 3 1/2 hour, 200 mile drive home at least once a month, if not twice a month is really getting to us. We can't stand our apartment, we have to walk up 39 steps before we walk through our back door, which doesn't have a lock, only a dead bolt lock (seriously, who does that?), wasps like to chill on our back porch light every summer, which is where the washer and dryer are (it's a back room more than a back porch), and the porch is slanted, you feel like you're walking down a hill, or like the back of the building is going to fall off. It's not insulated and when it's really windy, the attic door doesn't stay shut and it makes it seem haunted.

I love the area, I truly do, and I wish that we could move our families down to Maryland and we'd stay here forever. Mr. Skinny has a really good job down here, and I'd have a better chance to get a job in my field down here, but then why isn't the house aspect working out for us? Are we really meant to stay in our apartment for another year until we move back?

We're not on a strict timeline - since both of our parents are in NEPA, we can move back in with one of them until we find an apartment or buy a house, or whatever we decide to do. We do need jobs though, preferably for both of us, and not paying rent would help us a lot, even for a few months to just get us back on our feet. We're having a little financial trouble right now because I'm working part time and Mr. Skinny has had a few extra rain days in March, when we never really caught up from taking about a week off when Pop Pop was going downhill, and for his funeral and such.

So we're stuck. We know we're going to move to NEPA eventually, and probably sooner than later, but what do we do about a house? Find a new apartment? Hold out for a house? Move back to NEPA this summer, or as soon as we find jobs? Only God knows the answers, and we really need to turn to him for guidance and direction.

rest in peace, pop pop

"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."

Rev. 21:4

three generations that share the same name

Pop Pop passed away this morning at 1am in his sleep. DH was up for most of the night last night. He kept talking about all the things that Pop Pop would miss - he didn't have any great-grandchildren, and he didn't see us move back to PA. That's the hardest. He wanted us so bad to move back to PA. I feel guilty because it's my fault that we're still down here, and that we moved down here in the first place.

I know that Pop Pop is in a better place. He has no more pain, and he's not suffering anymore. He gets to see his dad again, and I told DH that he can hang out with my Grammy in heaven. DH was scared for Pop Pop because when FIL called, he said that Pop Pop was scared. DH didn't know why he was scared if he was going to heaven, but I tried to reassure him that he didn't know when it was coming, and that was scary. I told DH that the Bible says that Jesus has a mansion waiting for Pop Pop, and He knows Pop Pop and there's probably some repairs that need to be done on the mansion since Pop Pop was such a handy man. I told him that Pop Pop can hang out with our kids in heaven until God decides that it's time for us to get them.

It's gonna be a hard weekend, but we'll get through it. Lots of tears and heartbreaks, but we'll get through it. God is good.

TGIF!

I really feel like this week has been SO long! I mean, Monday seems like a lifetime ago. On Monday we thought that Pop Pop was okay, he just had the infection last thing we knew. We didn't know why he was still in the hospital, but we thought he was okay.

Tuesday we got the news that he might die in 2 weeks. Wednesday, we were told that replacing the pacemaker was going to be his only chance. Thursday, it was an 85% chance of coming off the table alive. This week has been so filled with ups and downs. It's just been a very, VERY long week.

I'd say we're looking forward to the weekend, but we aren't. We're going home, understandably so, to see Pop Pop. He's have the surgery early next week, and hopefully he'll come through. I wish we didn't have to go home. I wanted to have a nice relaxing, but productive weekend. No, we have to drive 3 1/2 hours tonight, and another 3 1/2 hours on Sunday back home.

I have a paper due on Wednesday that I need to get done this weekend. I have a ton of reading to do, and I have to start my research paper for my senior seminar. WW is on the back burner. I'm still eating right, mostly, and I haven't caved to the cravings yet. This weekend will be very hard though. But if I have a gain next week, it's not going to be the end of the world. We'll just take it day by day, and keep praying for Pop Pop.

I'm sorry that this blog has taken a turn from being about my WLJ to being about Pop Pop, but that's the only thing that matters right now.

Hope everyone has a safe and good weekend.

another update

Okay so I wish I had good news, and I don't. When I talked to Grandma yesterday she didn't give me details, and I didn't ask about details. When Mr. Skinny got home, he had talk to his dad and got the details and the rest of the story:

Pop Pop has 20% of his heart currently working. His lungs are filling up with fluid. They're going to try to do the pacemaker, but we aren't sure when and it *could* work, but they don't think he's strong enough to go through the surgery. If the surgery isn't successful, the doctors are giving him about 2 weeks. That's it. 2 weeks.

This sucks. He's only 73. He's not going to see us move back to PA, or see his future great-grandchildren. I feel bad for laughing and going on with my plans each day while Pop Pop is dying in the hospital. I know that's what he'd want me to do, go on with my plans, but it's hard. It's really hard.

The only request that Pop Pop had for us at our wedding was to "get what we had to get done, done, and get your butts back up home." Direct quote. I know I'm being selfish, and it's not even that I can't get through this, but I'm worried about my in-laws. I don't know how they're going to take it. I know that Mr. Skinny and I can get through this, and we have time to prepare, but I wish we were closer. I hate being 3 hours away when something like this happens.

Okay, FIL just called me. They're going to update Pop Pop's pacemaker. It could be tonight, could be tomorrow, could be Friday. I want to go home right now, but I have to wait for Mr. Skinny. This is Pop Pop's last chance. Just pray for the strength to get through this whole process.

On a side note: I lost 2.4 pounds this week. I think I'm going to be one of those people that has to eat all their points, WPs and APs to loose. That's what I did last week, and I think I'm going to try it again this week and we'll see. Granted, with this whole thing with Pop Pop, I might just toss WW aside and put it in the back of my mind until we get through this.

Prayers are appreciated. Thank you.

update on pop pop: part II

If you haven't been following on Pop-Pop, here's the backstory: the history and the first update.

Today, I check my phone in between classes and see a call from Grandma. Uh oh. We haven't been updated of anything for over 1 week, last we knew he was okay, just on antibiotics from the bowel infection. I check my voicemail: she sounds okay, but only says to call her back as soon as I can. So I think if I have enough time between my classes, decide that Pop Pop is worth it even if I'm late for class, while silently praying that it has nothing to do with Pop Pop. I call her back, she has bad news. Pop Pop's not doing good, they're going to replace his pacemaker. Okay, I say. We're all going down tomorrow, we don't know if he's going to make it through the surgery. Oh no. Okay, I say, we'll be praying. Keep us updated.

Crap. Lord, help me. Mr. Skinny doesn't know. I start to break down. I have one more class to go, I have to keep it together. I don't want to text my husband and tell him his grandfather might die. I can't do that. So I just prayed during the entire class, trying to stay participated and focused, but I can't.

I'm hoping that the professor doesn't call on me. I don't want to talk. Let me get out of class. Finally, she lets us out early, and I text Mr. Skinny: did grandma call you? if not, call me asap. He responds that he can't call me, and I should tell him what's going on. I text him and tell him, but I don't know how he's going to react. I want to be there with him. He said that Grandma and Dad both tried to call him but he couldn't talk.

We don't know when he's having the surgery. We don't know if we should go home tonight, and what's going to happen. I broke down no less than 5 times on the 20 minute drive home.

Lord help me be okay with whatever plans you have for Pop Pop. Help my in-laws turn to you during this difficult time. Help us make the right decisions and turn to You for comfort and guidance during this time.

I'll keep you posted.

update on Pop Pop

He's in the hospital now. They admitted him Saturday after we took him to the ER because he had blood in his bowels (TMI?). He's still having a ton of tests done, he has enzymes that his heart released in his blood, which is a sign of heart distress. That could have been from one of his falls - he's had 4 in the past 1 1/2 weeks - or a heart attack. We think it's from the falls. He's still getting tests done.

When we saw him Friday night, he didn't look like himself, he looked white, weak, tired, uncomfortable. He wasn't talking or joking like he always does. We saw him last night on our way back to Maryland, and he was 10000% better. He's still weak, but he can walk around, he has an appetite back, but isn't allowed to eat until he gets his tests done this morning.

They're constantly taking his blood to do tests, but the good thing about having him in the hospital is that my SIL's friend works there, and she has the inside scoop on what's going on with Pop Pop while he's in the hospital. Hopefully they'll be able to figure him out and what's wrong and he doesn't have to stay in the hospital for too, too long. He's not comfortable there, he wants his woods, not a view of a highway.

Thank you all for your prayers, and I'll keep you updated on what we find out.

We do realize though, that he's not going to magically be better, and live for another 20 years, but we're praying he lasts another few more years. I'd love to give him his first great-grandchild and let him see us move back to PA.

thoughts and prayers please

Morning all. I have a request. Could you send some prayers to my in-laws? Let me explain.

Mr. Skinny's grandfather (Pop Pop) has heart problems. Actually his whole family has heart problems. Pop Pop's father died of a heart attack when he was 47, Pop Pop has had 5 bypasses in total, and 3 of them are now blocked. My FIL had a heart attack at 47 -- 2 years ago now, and he still hasn't stopped drinking, but anyways, that's another story.

Pop Pop's health otherwise is eh. He has low platelets, which makes surgery not always a good option. In April 2009, Pop Pop wasn't feeling himself, so he went to his PCP and he put a heart monitor on him. Pop Pop was barely home for 5 minutes and the Dr. called Grandma and told her to call 911 immediately. Pop Pop needed to get to the hospital ASAP. While he was in the hospital, his heart stopped 2 times, and thank goodness he was hooked up to all those machines and they were able to start it again. He also got a pacemaker. I was in school at the time, and literally fell to my knees when DH called and told me what was going on. I packed my bags, emailed my professors, and BOOKED IT home! That was the fasted that I'd EVER made it home, going 85 or 90 the whole way. All the grandkids came in, but Pop Pop recovered. He felt better, he wasn't as weak, and we thought everything was okay.



Fast forward to the recent months. Pop Pop's gotten weaker again, he's not himself. He went in to get a stint put in on the 19th of this month, but they couldn't do anything because of his platelet count. Last weekend he fell down the stairs to the basement, and Grandma's on oxygen, and couldn't do much. Luckily they have close enough family who came over and picked him up and carried him upstairs. He's not himself anymore, he's weak. Last night he rolled off of bed, and my 2 BIL had to pick him up and get him back on the bed, he couldn't move. He's going for bloodwork today to see what they can do.



This man has adopted me as a granddaughter. I showed up for Easter dinner one year, and he told me I made his day. He is the grandfather I never had. He's the sweetest man ever, always has a good story to tell, and makes you comfortable. I'm not prepared to deal with Mr. Skinny if his grandfather passes away. This man is DHs idol, right after his dad, DH was named after this man, and has looked up to him forever.



Please pray that I can handle this situation well if it comes to it. That DH and his family can cope with whatever God has planned for Pop Pop. We're going home this weekend to see Pop Pop. All he wants is for us to move back up to PA, he is such a loving man, and it would rip my heart out to have him pass away with us living in Maryland. Just pray that it all works out, and I'll keep you posted.